This post is actually a continuation from this post:
How to apply for housemanship in Malaysia.
So on the 4th day,the motivational lecture starts.
It wasn't motivational to be honest.
So the dr asked us to share our name, college ,our anticipation,worries and excitement.
It was my turn..
I stood and introduced my self and my Chittagong Medical College . I'm the only one from Bangladesh.
I started with the exciting part.
"To be honest there's nothing to be excited about ,"I said.
They laughed.Deep inside, that's what I felt.2nd busiest Hospital in Malaysia, what's there to excited about.To learn new things?
Come'on.That's what we did in med school.
We can even learn from less hectic hospitals after all.
But as Bangladesh,this hospital too created an impression for me.
'I didn't choose them,that country and this hospital is the one that picked me.'
There must be a reason but I hope destructive people won't come into my life again like my ex and few terrible toxic friends.
Maybe that is why I kinda isolate my self from everyone here.
Here,they seems fine.Few of us really became good friends.Friends with same mindset.Raiys,Hiri and Thiagu.The rest too seems good and kind.That's how everyone been in the beginning but time will reveals them.Just at time, it's too late.You're already in your damage zone.
Even now while I'm writing this, I didn't go out with them for lunch instead I went to library .
"To do something remarkable,be alone"Tesla said once.
But don't be lonely.
I'm the only black sheep here.My friends here kept asking me 'why are you alone,why are you being different, join us,talk to girls,be friendly . . .'
I used to be like that.Today,I don't know all that.I'm not sure what's happiness.Fake smile,loud talking,pictures with boy and girls, socializing in a shitty manner and post it on Ig?
When I visualize it,it didn't bring a single drop of happiness.
Create,solve,help someone with something, silently enjoy the tree,walk slowly and observe humans..
That's give me a sense of peace and purpose.I don't know if I should label it as happiness but I wasn't sad while doing them.
Me ,my thoughts,my questions and wonderings, universe ,526hertz , frequency,how dna works,how bacteria can be smart enough to resist antibiotics.
If there's a carbapenem-resistant enterobacteriaceae outbreak,how can I solve that unsolvable..How magnetic field change brain neuroplasticity,how nootropics make me smart etc etc etc..This is in my head.
No family,no love,no friends ,no enjoyment,no other thoughts.
When I observe humans,I sensed;
Some are walking in pain,some with tears,some are sad,some are temporarily happy(a couples giggling while walking),
some are worried about the next moment,a kid that cursing his sibling for beating him,some are sincerely doing their duty,some waiting when the work will over,some a father to some,a mother to some..
Human are amazing and full of compassion.
Sometimes I pity them.
Sad for their innocence.It's not ignorance.It's their innocence.
When circumstances and another human bring pain to someone and they're living happily,I wondered why God still never punish them.
Maybe a simple one day or one week punishment isn't enough.
"Your anticipation please,"the doctor's voice woke me up from my day dream and wondering..
"It's will be hectic,"I replied.
"What I'm worried about is,the rules are strict here,"I said.
Deep inside, I'm not worried about all that .I realized it moment later.
The only thing I'm worried about is,with busy schedule,how am I'm going to achieve my goals..
'Forbes Asia 30 under 30.'
I only have less than 16 months before I'm 30.
That's the only thing brothering me other than how am I going to see Pallavi.
Next morning I saw in my dream..
'Change goal to plan.'
Wow..Goal at times seems impossible because the direction isn't clear..
But plan,with a good sequence of action and adaption,you really can achieve them.
Plan properly,and do what you have to do in 16 months in 6 months.Even if you can't accomplish it,you would accomplish half of that 16 months stuff in 6 month.
That's like saving a lot of time you know.
Sleep seems a problem.
How to sleep more..?I asked my sleep.
Sleep early .If you sleep late,ur sleeping period seems shorter.Sleep more and do only thing that matters to you plan.
But how to sleep right on time?
That's the biggest problem.
Next moment,I searched lazada and bought melatonin.
Solved.
Maybe everything is figureoutable in this world with a proper plan and mindset.
If it's isn't then it's a fact.
But Forbes and Pallavi aren't .
When I saw my friends here,who are local graduate, it's kinda culture shock for me.I don't understand all the short forms that they were using
Pka,mot,kkp,bla bla..
Back in Bangladesh,be it tb,hpv positive we don't use gloves nor mask..
Here the level of hygiene is super strict..
Was worried how I'm going to cope up..
Then I realized, this ho period will never come again in my life..Who knows.. next 2 years later I won't even be in this hospital..worst in Malaysia..
Enjoy it, make it a show time.
Everything will be fun, adventurous and new phase.
Not everyone could be a doctor.That's what I learnt from the past.Be it my ex nor friends.Only selected people became a doctor.The rest didn't make it.Maybe they are happy with their life but the feeling of can't make it will be there forever.
To live with clubbing,going out with friends, chilling in a group is common.Any one could do it.
To live a life of purpose is a whole different creation of god.
If you're a doctor,then you born to be a doctor.It was in your star even before you born.Otherwise you wouldn't be reading this.
Let's set the atmosphere on fire.
It's SHOWTIME.
