It was a Rollercoaster Ride.

                  That's my simba.

My companion .

Getting a new shoe was a big deal back then.

How i build 6 pack.Home gym.

Notorious med student.

It was exam week.Winter and exam is a painful combo.

My protein shaker

Training sharma at home

Even without electricity,the discipline was always there.

Post written.

The day I knew I failed my exam 29th April.

Memorable holiday

December 3.Exactly one year ago.

Politics

New chapter of life

The place where I spent most of my time

The day I did my video in a different way.

Those days where I had the time to mesmerized the beauty of moon

My alphalagully street

My cheap gym yet effective

Walking on mud seems enjoyable.

The day someone cheated my 4500taka

Yet i made new friends

Real friends

The day i did dressing for a wound on street

My diet food

Sharma

My art

Next day was surgery ospe yet i trained

My herbal tea

Getting a flight ticket was a battle then

Achievement

Leaving the house

Last 2 days

My logbook was actually empty 

My diet food

My cd collection

Last day

Shiva temple

My first apartment

Sarwar mansion

Gc durga temple

Noman

My gym

Our dreams

That last night in Chittagong

Sold everything

Dhaka embassy

The last hotel I stayed in Bangladesh

Leaving Bangladesh for good 

My ponytail

Last selfie with sharma before departure.

Worst and best days

One day, even though I'm no more my memories will be here to cherish forever.
It was a emotional rollercoaster.
Fun , painful, emotional, experience for life.
Today I'm not sure where I'm heading but definitely not according to my plan.
It's time to change everything.

A Dysfunctional Doctor : Housemanship Dilemma

She literally killed my name.Its lakdhesz.🙄 

       

     


"I don't want to work anymore..I feel like quiting.Can we do something else?"she asked.

I felt the same.

"But don't ask me what because I really don't know,"she sighed.

Last night itself, I was assisting 1 emergency lower segment caesarean section pushed from labour room for abnormal CTG and one csec with bilateral tubal ligation.Finished that,went for gynecology OT and assisted ruptured ectopic pregnancy laparoscopy with right ovarian cyst plus unilateral tubal ligation.That was cool but holding and guiding the camera for 2 hour and half was a feeling that word could explain;moreover after a great arm and shoulder workout.
If the medical officer or specialist is good and kind,the day felt great.
It's like learning forward what most won't be able to see in their houseman life but when the mos are bad,it felt terrible..

Whatever it is, everyday is a battle.
Who knows which mo will be there for that day..

Does it worth it?I don't know.
Back in Bangladesh, I used to wirte my own prescription.Even for x-rays,it was very simple with a single prescription but here, numerous forms,we have to request,get scolded..
Again,does it worth the effort?
Toxic environment,less good helpful friends, humiliation,mental agony and unnecessary stress..
All that for that pay?
Working 12 to 18 hours for something less than what my friends that working 7 to 5 earning?

Did i made a mistake or am I at the wrong place?

In Bangladesh's working environment,with such numerous amount of patients, everything was different.I was always in the flow.I don't even feel hungry nor have the sense that time is moving.
Here, I kept looking at the clock.
'7 hours more,4 hours more,last 45 minutes ,hold on.'
What kind of life is this?
Does others from different hospitals experiencing the same?
I saw my ptm friends from different hospitals doing great,going out for movies and dinners, laughing out loud..
What am I missing?
A constant question running in my head that needs an answer.STAT

Why We Are Unhappy with Our Job

"I'm waiting when I can be a doctor
and work in hospital bro,"I told my friend few years ago.
I still remember that sentence.
Few years later,in reality, I'm working in a hospital, infact second busiest Hospital in the country but I'm no more excited about it.
Why?
What's lacking?I constantly questioned myself.
Why does working in Bangladesh felt so great,the feeling that I'm actually saving  lifes isn't here?
What's wrong? That night I realized, back there I touched lifes and was giving hope to someone and I'm not doing it up to my own satisfactory level here.
Hope is a big feeling that many can't give.

How to do the same?
Definitely not in the same environment or for now.Only time could answer that.

So I started asking many about their job satisfaction.
I learnt that almost half of them ended up where they are now without an initial plan.

Those that  actually did achieved what they want, almost 75% of them doesn't sounds happy with their job life.
They are doing it for the sake of money and for the sake of still breathing.

I looked deep into it and I realized there are three fundamental aspect to love your job.

1.The feeling that you
have control over your day,
and that your actions are
important.

2.The feeling that
you are good at what you doing.

3.The feeling of
connection to other people.

Research showed the happiest, most passionate
employees are not those who
followed their passion into a
position, but instead those who
have been around long enough to
become good at what they do. On
reflection, this makes sense. If you
have many years experience, then
you’ve had time to get better at
what you do and develop a feeling
of efficacy. It also gives you time to
develop strong relationships with
your coworkers and to see many
examples of your work benefiting
others.

It made me realize, don't follow your passion but bring your passion into your job.

I learnt that all main ingredients for a satisfying job are lacking in my case.

Then I looked into high achievers, athletes, millionaires.
They woke up early, don't party,they follows a strenuous training and discipline that restricts them from enjoying a normal life..
But why they're not miserable?

What's missing here?

In their case, it's not about the main 3 aspects.
It's about the end product of their hard work.

Fame and money.
Fame isn't just merely being known by many, it's actually the sense of appreciation that they received.
We humans are social creatures and we seek that in our daily life.
From spouse,friends ,work place and to be honest, everywhere . That's the root of social media's success.

And then I saw the other groups..They carefree YouTuber, travellers, artist that enjoying what they're doing..
Here some aren't that famous or rich  but they're are doing something that really peaceful..

I concluded.
To be happy with your job and life,

The intra aspect:

1.The feeling that you
have control over your day,
and that your actions are
important.

2.The feeling that
you are good at what you doing.

3.The feeling of
connection to other people.

Or focus with the end product:

1. Big money
2. Fame and appreciation
3. Peacefullness

You decide which aspect you want to incorporate into your life.

Infact it's time for me to decide as well.

It's Not Worth It

I looked at the patient.
17 seconds ago, I explained about Stark and Zeeman effect to her and how she could make use of this quantum energy to heal herself.
18 seconds later,my superior created an impression infront of her that I'm good for nothing.

'Don't utter any words,' my inner voice reminds me.
4 explanation letters in 4 weeks is more than enough.

Standing there, I recalled what my friend told me..
"Remind yourself of your purpose of you going to work everyday, because eventually you will forget your purpose of living n doing medicine because of housemanship."

9 years of sacrifices doesn't seem worth it at this point. At all.

Among all creation, humans are God's biggest mistake.
A human is the one that causes pain to another human.

How do you escape this paradigm?
I questioned myself everyday.
Maybe everything happened for a reason.One day ,when we connect the dots ,we will know why everything happened in the first place.
To bring us close to what we really want.