Lost It Forever

Didn't train properly, didn't diet properly past 2 days.

At the edge of closing another project,shit happened.
Again.

Competition.They don't let you win the deal.Not the first time,be it million ringgit project, quarter million of just a couple thousand,they kill you even before you fly.
Surprisingly,this time,it wasn't a stranger but own cousin.
Drove all the way to say everything that he can to stop  me from succeeding.
I observed him silently.Looking deep into someone's colour when it's about money.

The irony was,he was thinking that he is creating and I'm reacting.He was wrong without realizing that this entire scenario was a test.
Be it relatives or friends,trust should be earned.That's what betrayal of my ex taught me.Before that,I trusted everyone but with time,the person I least expected to betray me proved me that I was wrong.
Action might lie,word might lie,but pattern won't.

I was pretty fine with marketing but the next biggest thing was closing a deal.If I can't close it,if I don't sell, business won't survive so I tried to master sales.
Infact every one is a salesman.
As a person, you're selling your image, ideology to someone.
As a doctor,I need to be a good sales man otherwise I can't heal a patient.
I learned that it's a crucial skill.
I realized I can convince someone by a mail,but talk in person, spontaneously,it was a little hard.
With time, without trying to be someone that isn't me,by being authentic,I slowly mastered it as well.

A friend of mine once said,she admire her father because he is very good with money.He don't spend unnecessarily and she said she hate spending and wasting for nothing.
She meant me actually.

Yesterday's incident reminded me of her.
As usual,with my arrogance and rudeness,I lost another friend as well.
If I'm a doctor I can treat a patient at a time.If i make millions, I can hire hundred doctors and order them to treat patient as I required.It's not only about giving med,I wished to emphasize more on the energy,train each doctor to treat patient differently.
Drug isn't the real placebo.The healer,the doctor himself is the placebo.
That's what research revealed.
If a doctor want,he can cure even stage 4 cancer with a distill water.

Break down an atom,we see proton and neutron.Break them further up to quark and then? What's in there that made this entire thing called life?
Just a spinning tornado clusters so called energy.Tap into there and we can do miracles.
My health center wouldn't be like a normal hospital.The moment someone enter there,432hz soothing healing music ,aromatic smell,the environment itself will convince the patient that they gona be completely fine the moment they leave.

Otherwise I don't even need such amount of money and would travel the world,having fun and lead a completely different life.

There's a study of adult development, it's called
The Harvard Study of Adult Development.
Maybe the longest study of an adult life,ever done.
For 75 years,the researcher track the life of 724 men.
60 of them are still alive and in their 90's.


They tried to find out what is the real happiness through them.
Initially 50% of people said,their ultimate goal is money and the remaining half,they wanted to be famous.
So in the end,after 75 years of research,they concluded the one key for a great happy life. Suprising ,it wasn't money nor fame.It's the connection we made,healthy relationship,and how much we attached in our community.They more we are isolated,they more unhappy we became.

But with time,day by day, everything,everyone around me is slowly moving away.
I'm losing more connection than what I'm gaining.
Money is just a tool.I can earn them anytime.
If you don't fail,you not even trying.
Each failing will make you realize what you really wanted to do.

But friends that I thought were best friends,girl that I thought my life,parents , relatives,when one by one proving me that I was wrong,it hurts.

Wasn't even sad about the project.What bothered me more was,I broke my phone's screen.Gave it to repair and they didn't repair it properly hence I returned it back and asked them to do it properly.I don't want to waste RM300 for nothing.
During the second time,they burnt something  inside so they replaced it.
That thing made the phone completely new as if it had been rebooted.

The only reason I tried to save that phone is just for that Whatsapp.In that phone,that WhatsApp is my Bangladesh number.
Once it gone,I can't do it back unless I go back to Bangladesh.Unlike Malaysian sim,I can't use Bangladesh's sim outside of that country.

And the only reason I tried to keep it forever was,her contact is there.Once in awhile,I look at her picture.
If it's gone,the only connection with her is gone.Forever.
I had a dream last night.
She was there,with a bump on her abdomen.She was pregnant.She looks the same,a little older,same sweetness.
"You still can't stop looking at me as if you gona eat me, touching here and there unnecessarily aren't you?"she asked.
"Nope,I can't.It last forever,"I said with a smile.
And I opened my eyes to realize,it was just a dream.A dream that will never ever full filled.
Sometime,certain dream remains as a dream forever I felt.
And today,I lost the only single remaining connection with her.

Everything would be different.

Or it's time to go back to Bangladesh.Just for that contact.