Pre Planning

Once a week,half a day,I completely stp spnding time for othrs,stay at home,a small pause frm al my routines excpt my rituals and spend that halfday only for my self.During this mmnt,I plan my major plans for the whole fcking week.This is the habit that I created a yr bck whn I realized I cnt keep myself orgnized.When I wondered whats wrng,I realized the major prblm with plannin bck thn was,plannin for the day.Have a to-do-list for the day.When I was doing my pre med(Mlysia)the clge gv us schedule/timetble 4 the whle year.We can orgnze our hldy,pre book the tckt,stdy n prep for the exm earlr etc bt whn I went to Bngldsh,it was a terrible cultre shck.The schdle for major centrlzd exam wil b out a week or few days b4 exm,n thats oni cvr the wrttn xm,(the dates mght chnge anytime if they wanted to).Dates for Ospe ,viva prctl long case etc wil b out ltr, few days b4 the exm. So we nvr knw hw God,luck n time gona scrw us 4 the cmng mnths unlike other stdnts out there that judge me with their own assumtn.Hw cld sumone tat havin everytin in their life wit a gud flow would understnd my strggle.I dnt hate thm cz i realzd thy would nvr undstn what Im fcing.Thats whn i realzd abt this weekly plan since i cant hlp myself when the systm is al there jst to fck my life more.I pre plan for a week.There are activities that u can oni do during weekends,there r thngs that u can oni do in mrng,b4 2pm,b4 the prayers time,only aft 6 pm of wed n etc..Since then,i nvr apply this to do list for the day shit.I roam freely for others,but in my head,im well aware what im gona do for the next 2 days,the next 4 days.That way,I never miss the brthdy of ppl I see as fmly.I dnt depend Fb notifctn cz i dnt even have tat app in my phne.I keep those imprtnt things n dates in my head cz I alwys apply this -my mind is my coach.I dnt train wit others,I dnt depend on othrs anymre.I assess my grwth durin this time n I realzd i jst lost 3 kg of my hard gained muscle.That nvr brng me dwn at all,cz whn there is a prblm,there is whr the opprtnies lies I learnt.And whenever shit happns,thats the rmndr to strt again fresh,strnger n bttr than yestdy.
#0carbsday

Beef vs Indian

Beef vs Indian vs BB

Since that meal tasted so fckd up,i stopped here while otw bck frm the restaurant.I came here,I ordered fish patties without bun,sauce or any extra taste giving shit.While waiting,came this Indian auntie.She ordered chickn burgr n few minute later,another chinese boy cm.His left armed fully tattooed,look like a small town mafia king cm n  ordered beef burgr.I saw the ownr was cooking al of thm,fsh chkn n beef tgtr on the same pan.I was wonderin in my head if its okay since this whle scene rmnded me abt an incdnt.A video tht I saw while i was in bangladesh.An indian took a video bullyin the shp wrkrs cz thy mistknly gave beef assumin it as mutton.So this guy made a big issue ,recorded the whole scene.Im not againts ppls belief bt he askd the wrkrs(wrkrs was an indian frm India n it was so fckin clear that it was a mistake bt we all knew indian gt their supr pwer whn thy ingst club 99 or with their mates,without this two,most self claimed gangsta is a p*ssy).He askd the wrker ,'will u eat ur own mum?' Damn,such a powerful wrds but this same mthrfuckr wil tease an indian auntie who pass by wit sarees 😒 Maybe he meant it cz cow gv milk n we shldnt eat it..Hw abt goat then..Most drnk goat's milk yet stil enjoyin their spicy mutton curry durin weeknds ,gainin tckt to heart blck.Ok fine.Since indian hv gods in almst al kind of animal(fish,chkn n even pigs etc,dnt tel me no cz i hv seen thse gods pict)wtf fck we ate al that? its totally fine isnt it?No one can create  drama as indian.They wil treat visitors so fcking well n whck their wife at kitchn.No wonder in 20 yrs,india wil bcm the biggest muslim populated cnrty overtakin indonesia cz indian are so retard when it cm to this kind of silly issue.They fight n kill each other,giving al kind of space to others bt relucnt abt their own race cz of diff dramas.

Cholesterol

FAILED MEAL

Chlstrl intake shld b less thn 300 mg per day n this shit here itself contain abt 300 mg chlstrt.If you have been diagnosed with heart disease,on steroids,drnking beer evry fckin day,smking etc,this meal isnt suitable at all.
3-ounce serving of  calamari contains 1.6 grams of saturated fat and 5 grams of unsaturated fat. Saturated fat can elevate your LDL (LDL is bad lipid.It bring fat frm liver to vessel n HDL do the oppste so HDL is our frnd if in crct amnt).Calamari contains more thn 3 times as much unsaturated fat as saturated fat.So squit is gud for your cholesterol if you have a healthy cholesterol level, but if you alrdy have high fckd up cholesterol, you shld consume it as an occasional treat.When we try to make it abt 35g prtein,the chlstrl lvl incrses too..We realized adding this into our menu is not a good idea at all n we have to drop this from our menu.Past 3 days,I was seriously being an ass,asking to try variety of meals with a simple n most hardest term-should b healthy af,n tasty as well ,whch is a terrible combo during plannin n executin.Tat was the mistake.This shit almost taste as raw but Taj Taste of India was so helpful n tanx u so mch for tolerating my naggin.Once the shop is closed,the kitchn bcm our research lab.Definitely we wil cm up wit sumtin bttr soon n today's hustle wil be tmrw's success.If it works,I prmse I wil turn each one of those who believe in me into someone with a filled pocket n heart.Eventho it failed,the pleasure of eating ur own endeavour feels fckingg awesome.Just that the taste suck

Social Media

Don't give them the privilege of knowing everything about you.Just because it's not posted on social media ,doesn't mean that its not happening.Quietly progress.

Animals

Some of my friends n broz replied to my stories yest n one of this 'frnd' asked me why im seeking that kind of attention by talking to them.hehe😁.Such a great question.I wonder how some could thnk such a way.What happened was,2 days bck,while roaming with her team,she somehw landed insde a drain.Since then she bcm ill n cnt walk.When I saw her,i hv no idea if she understnd my language bt i knew well that anyting that breathin understand the feelings when we assure them that everything gona be ok,Im there for u.After 20 minute tlking wit a calf,being there,comfrtin her eventho she dirty af,she literlly tried to stand (she eventually walked n went insde n she's fine nw).That is what i wanted to show to others.Not to impress anyone dear friend 😏.Even a cow that never speaks understand the paradigm of being there for someone.i learnt linguistic can b chnnl this way too.im not a cow whsperer like what my bro said recently.I dont knw hw much medicine is in my head,but I learnt how to fix prb around me.When its abt a soul,doesnt matter human dog or a calf,all we have to do is letting them understnd tat i wil b wit u doesnt matter what happen til u gt well.That way,I believed I could cure them halfway alrdy.Wish people understnd it n really apply it rather than just posting pict giving food to a kid.Everyone can give that food to someone,but teaching someone how to earn n eat that food themselves means more in my opinion n I do the same doesnt matter how many teach me about life n being practical.For me,being prctcl is not thrwin the lftover chkcn bones I ate into dustbn.I prefer go n find a dog n give it to them as their food.Thats what balance for me.God gave me this mind not to use it oni for my benefit bt to lift ppl arnd me when they rly need someone.Eventho Im super busy,when i sense a soul needs a hearin ears,i aprch them without being askd cz i knw the pain of loneliness.If that calf could stand n walk wit this formula,imagine hw mch diff it could make to a human... . 

Veins

Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things..
I am tempted to think that there are no little things in life..
Everything matters.

Business

The first thing I did when I cm bck was went n met this frnd of mine.He jst opend a restrnt wit a partnr n the busnss seems oky frm outside bt he alwys cmplnt that the relationshp amng the prtnr n the wrkrs arnt well.I wnt thre ordered a drnk,sat wit my earphns and I obsrved al of them.I knw sum of thm bfre so communictn wit thm wasnt that hrd,bt frst I stfu n see n undrstnd whats actly wrng thre.No one actly wrking wit a smile on their face n their lck of invlmnt was obvious.Thn I askd the othr partnr whch is a female whats the prb..She was rude as btch bt fixin it was my priority thn..It was clear tat she's selfish, mny centrd prsn .So we gv a piece of ppr to each 1 of thm,askd to wrte any cmplain thy wana brng to the table keepin their identity confdntial.Whn I read it,almst al the wrkrs cmplain abt the same ting-the btchy boss n the low salary.Whn I askd her in prvte she said the prce of the tings they buyin is expnsve.She dnt knw wht is runcit n wht is borong,wht is revenue n wht is total net profit.She try to win evryting by raising her voice.She said her supplr isnt givin for a gud prce so she couldnt prvde cheaper prce for the food(she pay the wrkrs low slry).I asked her if she nego wit the supplr n she said hw to do tat,its impsble,thy wnt gv bla2.She nvr even try.I asked is it ts ok if u lose ur cstmrs..Her reply was No.
'You r the custmr to those supplr n what make u to thnk they wont consdr u?'
'Do u thnk the supplr wil jst let go their cstmr,whch is u?'
She kpt quiet.
'Wht if I make ur shp more profitble(she claimed no prft last 4 mnths),do u want it?'
She said yes bt its not possble n she knw it.😒Again that unncsry mentlty.
I tld her I can bt frst she mst lstn what the wrkrs sayin.Aft bsnss hrs,we all sat tgtr,we tlk,I explnd wat mght b the consequencs 1 mnth ltr,6 mnth ltr n what could they achve if they al wrk tgtr as a team. 2 hrs ltr she realzd what went wrng n we prmsed an increment for the wrkrs if our goal fr the mnth is achvd.(thy dnt evn hv 1 prior).We made lot nw imprvmnt n tdy the same frnd of mine told that the aura in tat shop is diff.Complctd tings bcm very simple by opening up,listening n fixing,nt by bein an ass

Human

Aft finish swimin under the hot sun,we were talking abt the indifference in humans and the fact that humans only have been peace for 268 out of 3400 years.Since this bro was from frm Myanmar,I askd his opinion abt rohingyas.I alwys wonder if Aung San Suu rly deserved nobel peace prize or she just pretndin.Aft explnd everythin frm his exprnce,he said one thing,'we shouldnt bothr abt other ppl n jst focus abt our life'.That wasnt synergistic wit my head.Its like tryng to drve dwn road wit one foot in the gas n the other foot on the brake.Instead of getin a foot off the brke,I wonder why mst gv it more gas.I realzd uniformty is not unity.Al the prb faced by human created by human n oni can b solve by humans;by being there for anthr human.Aft al,it is very simple-listen to othrz for real.Tat is why i dnt trst in frndship.Friends r the mst dangerous layer of humanz.Thy pretend to b gud n eat u ltr.I see ppl i trust as  brotha n sistrz(excpt the grl I like even if she's 2 yrs eldr than me)..That is why i label someone as frnd n the rest as brotha.Is it logical tat two ppl can disagree n both being rit at the same time for one commn ting 🤔its not logical,its psychologcl.We interprt thm differently cz we've been conditioned to inteprt them diffrntly rit..Valuing the differencs is the essence of peace n the key to valuin those diffrncs is to realze tat al see the world,not as it is but as they are.We can be effective wit ppl bt never be efficient wit humans. I felt humanz refuse to tc of anther human's feeling cz thy feel it tk too mch time n effrt to take care of ppl arnd.. Tats the single most pwrful way to sustain peace among us.To live this fckin life without kiling each othr is the hardest ting to do cz we humans r rly an animal tat try to b nice to each other,not to b real nor to b gud to each othr .Kudos to human n me.

Language

My brtha replied to my stry by askng abt this boy..Hw does this boy undrstnd tamil etc.Its been more than a year since my last visit to Mlysia so whoevr jst fllwed me recently n bcm a family of mine mght wnder abt al this n its totally fine.Well,my mther babysitin thm for a very lng time n he was the lst amng his 3 elder sisters,so they can undrstnd n speak gud tamil.He thn asked if i can speak chinese.Well,not exctly.I undrstnd mandrin but my speaking isnt gud.The reasn was this.This is not to hrt any1 bt this is the truth.I 💙 kids n anml s bt i least like bby boys.I was vry clse wit the sisters cz they were with us evrdy since thy brn,bt whnvr I askd thm to teach me chnse,they dnt.sumtim thy tght the wrng wrds wit wrng meaning n frm their uncmftble gestre,i knw thy not into teachin me.The thrd grl used to say im dark,crw etc kinda shit doesnt matter evn I see her as my own sister 4 real.Thn cm this boy to earth.We didnt gt alng wel in the beginin.Whn he was baby,i dnt like him tat mch..bt as he grw,we bcm soo close that evn im 26 nw,i tried my best to wk up early n spnd time with him b4 he leave to schl.( we had a small game,who can thrw the stne farthest ;of cz i won 😉)He tght me chinse.Tat 5 yrs old boy was my chinse teachr yrs bck.He teach me hw to pronounce n the meanin n i wil save it in my memo.Thre was mny time whn i bring him to Mcd,the ppl of his race askd him/tlk to themselves abt me being dark,indian bla2.Tnx to him i undrstnd whn people 'praise' me sch wy bt all tat oni made my skin thickr n my soul strnger.I realzd the initial thght abt sum1 or sumtin chnge with time if u rly obsrve the inner thm.This boy here is not oni my brther n my teacher(age is just a num,u can learn sumtin frm a 4 years old kid if u rly wants to) but also sum1 tat i can simply shre anytin anytim cz he is the oni persn tat nvr jdge me fr anyting.Anyone bully him bck in schl,i wil brk their mandibular joint alng with their central, lateral incisor n wil return the canine to thm doesnt mattr who thy r,hw big thy r.Tch ppl that i see as fmly n u gt wat u deserve.

Marijuana

Marijuana 🌿🌿
Yestdy,I asked my brotha why he unfollowed me after all the good convrstion.Aft draggin it unncsry,he opened up.It seems he saw weed related stuff while he explorin on iG and he found out tat im the only persn that followin him n liking his post(the weed smokr).Hehe..Pals,the persn that u condemning as marijuana smoker is actually a person that sufferin from a rare cancer n he was using THC,hemp oil etc kinda stuff to cure him without chemo.His struggle with his 5 yrs old son n the desire to live as long as he can with his boy is painful to witness at times..When I asked him more abt hw it works,he told me about  Rick Simpson oil.I have no idea if thats really works (Im well aware that even BoB Marley died frm malignant melanoma under the nail of his toe and his Issels treatment failed miserably) but from him I learnt abt RS hemp oil.Rick Simpson is a medical marijuana activist who cured himself frm a metastatic skin cancer bck in 2003 using hemp oil. The patient take this RS oil every 8 hours,early in the morning, again in the afternoon, and  before bedtime for 90 days.Lots claimin they gt cured bt we never knw if its true unless we hear from a suffer's own exprnce.Human wrte all the books on earth,n I learnt that at times,learning directly frm somone's experience is much more valuable than whats wrttn in a book.Instgrm made it accessible  for me to ask someone directly by msgin them.Liking the post of ppl im followin is the respct I gv for them(unless i nvr see those post or i simply never like it cz i hate them ).
Feel free to unfollow me  if this kind of silly tings seems as an issue for u  cz i wont explain it again.The thing that u see as bad is a lifesaver for someone out there.Dont judge too quickly.Its only reflctin the real immaturity in u bros.Sayonara in advnce.

Meal Prep

They decorate it the same way each time.Well back to the stry,the prsnce of lanugo on newborns is not necessarily a sign of premature birth. It is seen on infant born at 39 weeks of gestation(full term).Aprt frm this u can see this on ur cousin's forearm tat thin as skeletons. Malnourished ppl including those with eating disorders mght have them.So lanugo help a dr make a diagnosis of anorexia/bulimia.(Bulimia -thse ppl who over eat at once and feel guilty n pt their finger inside their mouth and vomit what they just ate).Tats someting certain ppl that lifting weights do at times.In our book,that topic cm under medicine whch goes under psychiatry.If u r doing it,jst knw that u r going crazy n retard ,so dont practice  that. 

Foreign Visa

I was very excited that at last they r gving my visa bt when I went again at 3pm,he said must pay sum late fine fof 3000tk n I saw they already preprd a paper with native alphabets signd by so many people.I was asking and calling ppl in Dhaka past 6 mnths  to fix the mistake that they done by keyed in me as nepalese.no respnse. Im a fcking dark indian la.. 😪When its cm to fine,money,the paper alrdy preprd cmplty .No wonder that bank made huge revenue cmpre to other banks..whle otw back the drvr made the conversation n askng me abt hair falling.I dont knw what else to say other than alopecia topical minoxidil,stress hormone bla2(he speaks gud englsh ).Fact that anyone can smply google .That reminds me of Lanugo.Whenever I cm acrss tat wrds whle stdyin,it reminds me abt hman n their shit.
Lanugo is a vry thin, soft, usually unpigmented, hair that sometims found on the bdy of a newbrn bby. It is the first hair to be produced by the bby's hair follicles, and it usually appears around 16 weeks insde mother's womb.It nrmally shed befre birth, arnd 7 or 8 months , but  sometimes present at birth. It disappears on its own within a few weeks and replaced by hair covering the same surfaces, called vellus hair.This hair is thinner ,more difficult to see. The more visible hair tat we al hv is called terminal hair. It frms in specific areas and hormone-dependent.
If something goes wrong n Lanugo stays,it result in shit like hypertrichosis(the guy in Ai),hirsutism etc.
Durng hman develpmnt, the lanugo grws on baby as a nrmal part of gestation, but it is usually shed and replaced by vellus hair at 33 to 36 weeks. As the lanugo is shed frm the skin, it is nrmal for the hair to be consumed by the developing baby since it drinks frm the amniotic fluid and urinates into its envirnmnt.Thats hw shity  a human formed doesnt matter if he dark,fair,indian muslim or pondan bt as they grw,they scrw each wit various diff reasn forgting their similar roots. As a result, lanugo contributes to the newbrn baby's meconium( Meconium is the earliest stool of a baby. Unlike ltr feces, meconium is compsd of materials ingested by the bby befre born.We all ate our shit n born,embrace the fact).

ONLY 4 BOYS

ONLY 4 BOYS 🏋
3 of my brothaz replied to my story and one of them ,aft some random bullshits cm to the point.He took quite sometime before he actually asked it.It was just msging aft all but whenever a strnger asked me abt mstrbtion,testo, gym kinda qstn,they seems very uncomfrtble.Maybe cz we have never seen each other,but trust me brotha,I was out of radar for years,so even my schoolmates,relatives seems like a strngers.Well,keeping his question confidential,I answer this from what I learnt and cm across.
When I study med,I came across  semen analysis/profile in various subject, in various years.Each year ,I wonder wtf the values keep chngin accrdin to each subjct n year.Frst year it was diff n durin final yr it was diff.Evolution I guess.Honestly we cant count 20 million/ml(2ml or more =normal volume) wit naked eyes.But I realized we can have some basic indictr about it which wil b very useful for someone taking roids/even strong testo boostr.If u dont want to produce a defect n retard offspring,avoid roids 2 years prior marriage.
In medical term,there r aspermia(abscne of semen)semen n sperm arent the same.polyzoo,astheno,leucyto,necrospermia etc.The good thing abt steroid is,it let u experience most of them urself.I wonder why some crosses the border twice and some becme like a vegetable aft tk steroid.Even vasectmy nvr do that shit to a man.Each body is diff, aren't they?.but rmbr deca sty for 18mnths.U dnt wish to be sayur for 18 mnths rit..Nothing sounds more embrssin than bringin ur own shit to a lab within 30 mint n this is sumtin most nvr gt tested like lipid,blood, renal profile etc in a lab rit..Semen shld be whtsh gray clr,sticky,and hv certain level of viscty(<3).If its anythin excpt  this such as watery,yellowish,nothing cm out excpt air per ejaculation,low volume,etc -this is stil reversible unless u screw urself so fcking hard that it bcm irreversble.Take off min 6 weeks during PCT.Keep letrozle,clomphne,tamoxfn or watever u wana name it prior or for pct.Never frgt to add vit E wit it to reverse al the shit that u made to ur bdy..

When the World Will End

"For the young ones,their weight wouldn't kill them.The officers' assistants would pull them down and break their necks."Throughout this process,they remain blindfolded.They do not know when or how they will die until the noose was placed around their neck",the news says  entitled "Human Slaughterhouse:Mass hanging and extermination in Syria.

The day was  annoyin enough faced unmannered visa office staff.I stil havent get my last year's visa because someone somewhere in Dhaka  mistakenly typed me as Nepalese.Thats cool but it left me roaming days for nothin.I asked him if could get a job in visa office ,he looked at me as if he constipated for 14 days 14 nights.What else to do to fix it rather than working there  my self.

I turn the next page of The Daily Star  and i saw the next news reads,
'Soldiers often shot villagers,and took part in rape,gang rape,invasive body searches and sexual assaults on women and girls between oct 9 and mid dec last year.(2016)
I saw a line written as," They gathered all the women and started beating us with bamboo sticks and kicking us with their boots.After beating us,the military took 15 girl ,raped us one by one ,tearing our clothes". Hmm.When im happily eating,getting emo for nothing ,someone out there suffering and feeling pain for real n they dont deserve it at all.The funny thing is no one could or would do much about it including the so call God.

That news made me to start working out at 0230am, which I was skipin al this whle.
Does it make a change ?I wondered..Does it gona stop someone from kiling each other?..I dont have the answer but I prep myself so that If one day,any uncle with his daughtr being bullied by 4 half drunken machans who got their air in their balls by 1 bottle of cheap club 99 during thaipusam again in my life in the future,I wont be like one of them~the common people that watch it or record it with their phone and by pass it when they can gather in group and stop it.Wonder how many feels the same as me,not for a moment but all the time.Peaceful living is my rights.Our fcking rights.We get what we deserve.When we dont get what we deserve,we take it.

Get out of Head to Use your Mind

'Why you wore your  t-shirt inside out when u workout?' my brotha asked.
'To bring me into the mood to train',I replied.
'You could wear a singlet,maybe?'His curiosity lengthen.
I smiled and explained him about an incident~years back,in the surgery ward along with my batch mates.
Its was a complete race like the movie 3 idiots-all the time.We aren't familiar with it 'yet' then..The pt n teacher will b surrounded by my 25 mates.The pt will b encapsulated by us and I will b in the last circle,most of the time.The environmental commotion made the voices of the dr n pt almost inaudible.The different dialect of the pt made it worse most of the time.On that fine day,somehow my sir pointed me and cld me towards the centre of the pseudo-circle and asked me to examine the pt.No steto,no termo,nothing with me except me myself standing there with pounding heartbeats .My Sir asked me to just imagine like I have a termo, bp mchne  etc n do it.Everyone had a good time that day with a laughter thru out the general examination.When I reached the pt wrist to check the pulse rate,my Sir stopped me.This time I had a watch arnd my wrist to check the rate,but it was on the right..Since Im not left handed,it became a fault.I had to change the watch to my left wrist and continue.
'What's the connection of this to ur tshirt',my brotha interrupted my nostalgic flow.
'Did you wear them on the left now?'he questioned.
' Still on right',I said.

 \

That day,it felt like a clown in my head  but I knew I cant change the environment and at the same time I cant change my way.It wasn't comfort zone.Nothing really comfortable in life.Even when u sleep,if you gona have an important day tmrw , the sleep too isn't comfortable anymore..But when I have my reason for my act,If I change anything for the cause of around,then its not me ..So I decided ,after this whenever I feel nervous I will wear my watch on the left.Exam and situation like that required me to wear them on left n hnstly its a nervous moment too.So like Neil Armstrong's wristband,when this watch is on my left,it always reminds me that everything is going to be fine rly soon and I will change them to my right wrist in awhle.That way, the environment never change but the way I see the problem changed.The same with training,I dont love them.I wont sleep in my coffin with abs.Being with ripped body isn't the core,its a choice not necessity.But being fit n healthy is a necessity.It could give u extra years of life that you could spend with your loved one with a cup of low sugar green tea during ur last days~something I learnt from my friend recently about how important is the last days comfort..When I can't change the environment,when I can't change me for things that I want,I adapt.I dont change something that seems important for me for the sake of another priority.That way life always remain on my term,not being a victim of it..For that I need consistency and for that I don't need ability but motivation.Change is not a matter of ability,its about motivation.When your surrounding doesn't give u that motivation,cheat ur mind with a silly reason to initiate it.Get out of ur mind first in order to use your head,otherwise you will become like Trump.