19th Jan | My Purpose

"Tom,few days back,a young boy of twenty-two consulted me.He was super dissatisfied with lot of things.He sounds ambitious to fill a bigger niche in life & wanted to know how to improve his circumstances.His motive seemed unselfish & entirely worth while."
"Who's that?"Tom asked.
"Stranger,"and I asked him,"Well,where do you want to go?"
"I just don't know exactly,"he said hesitantly.
"I have never given it any thought.I only know I want to go somewhere other than where I am."
"What can you do best?"I then asked."What are your strong points?" "I don't know,he responded.I never thought that over either." "But what would you like to do if you had your choice?What do you really want to do?"I insisted.
"I just cant say,"he replied dully.I don't really know what I would like to do.Guess I ought to figure that one out too."
"You want to go somewhere but you don't know where,you don't know what you can do or what you like to do.You will have to get your  ideas organized before you can expect to start getting anywhere. Hazy ideas don't work and even if you figure out everything,there is a point that many ignored that leads to failure."
"What's that?"he replied simply.
"From my experience, I realized, doesn't matter how strong is our clarity,most of the time we fail because we miss something.It's not just knowing what you want,you must list out what you don't want. Be precise about who you are and just exactly about who you are not.
If you know what you want ,what you good at without knowing what you don't want and your poor side,it won't work."
"Nice piece man.Where do you want to go in life?"Tom asked.
"Moon,"I replied while looking at the sky and the half moon & we both shared a laughter.
"Tom, I'm serious about it but it's just a back up plan for future.You know what Tom,look over there,"I pointed around an housing area which looked completely quiet in that dark from that top.
"From this height, everything looks peaceful but definitely somewhere there,in a house,around a street's corner, someone might be crying, depressed,being abused and you know, lot of bad shit might be happening & we don't aware of it.Even if we see it happening in front of our eyes,I doubt it if we would question it."
"Pain is inevitable Lakdhes.It's part of the system,"Tom sighed.

"Tom, you know what day is today?"
"19th Jan? What's special today?"he was curious.

"This date is kinda special in my memory.It was my ex-friend's birthday."
"Ex-friend?"
"Haha,yes Tom.We aren't friends anymore.I messed it up as usual."

"You're a weirdo,not everyone could be your friend, it's alright.Give him a call and wish him."

"It's not him.It's a girl."

"A girl??"
"Yes."
"It's fine,text her."
"No Tom.She gave me her number after one year. Till now,I never ever misuse it to call her again nor text her.That's the respect I could give for her trust.You know Tom,having a girl's number is a big issue.Many boys out there that like a girl can't easily get a girl's number and when you one person have it, it's a special thing.To gain that trust,it took me more than 365days.I messed up and pissed her once.The next day she called.She was angry but throughout the conversation,she never use any bad words,never sounds rude , composed and maintained her dignity."
"Maybe she's powerless and don't want to be in trouble."
"No Tom,every girl definitely have their own bucket of strength.Father, brother, relatives or at least a male friend that could back them up.It's not that.If she want, she could ask any one of them to contact me but she didn't.I don't even remember much how she looks but I still remember her birthday because of these thing."
"She said ,guy like me is the one that throw acids to a girl's face but.."before I utter my next word,"What kind of crap was that?"
"No Tom,maybe I sounded evil but I did that deliberately. That's not the issue because I know myself.These words always correlate with my purpose Tom."
"With time I realized I love two thing,"Tom was listening silently.
"I love to create and to solve.I love solving more than creating.It must be around 2014,15 if I'm not mistaken, during surgery ward posting.While in the OT, I saw the teacher was the doctor that always scolded me for being in surgery ward when I was in 3rd year,Dr Akram.He hates me.So, one day I wrote a letter to him and stop visiting surgery ward and went to orthopedic OT every single night.When he saw me as his student,he was excited as well.The class was till 10pm but my friends insisted we just bunk the class because they were hungry.In such a big crowd,he won't realize if few students went missing.I followed and 20minute later the Dr asked where am I and realized I truanted the class.He was angry and my friends exaggerated the whole scenario once the class ended.Not for the second time I thought creating such a bad impression.That night I was super high and made so much of chaos in the hospital at 3am because I wanted to meet him and I don't even remember it .The next day when I woke up,I saw my self wearing ot scrub,table full of medicines.The combination I made created such a reaction.My conscious mind will be shutdown but I wil be operating unconsciously.After some time, I won't remember anything.What I did,whom I met , everything.The next day I saw all the students looked at me one kind and I don't know why til one of the intern doctor told me what I did last night.He said Akram was super angry.Fuck, I made it worst I thought and was very down.I knew the intern doctor from ortho OT.There was a night where he was posted in ortho OT for the first time.He was alone and he don't know how to stitch the machete attacked wound.My help made us friends since then.He saw me super upset and told me there was an interesting case in mortuary today.He knew my interest with autopsy so he told me I could see it along with the 4th year student's forensic class.At 1230pm I went with my lab coat.I saw the teacher was my previous year's teacher and that doctor remembered me because there was a day during autopsy class,the moment he cut open the intestines,the student couldn't bare the smell and ran out of the class but I saw him sitting there in the midst of a rotten body and nicely eating laddo.I covered my nose with handkerchief and asked him,' how  could you eat here in this smell ?' and he said,'I'm used to it' .
That's how he remembered me.

I went to the dead body and saw it was a girl.A raped victim.From her physical signs she must be around 12 to 14 years old.There were nail scratch marks all over her body,her lips were torn at a side,bite mark on the right breast with marked darkened erythema, fractured right elbow,disclocated right shoulder and a bite mark on her left inner aspect of her thigh."
Tom's eye  wide opened.
"The doctor told me she passed away due shock and severe bleeding from ruptured genital vessel due to irregularly torn hymen and pelvic dislocation.I can't see nor stand there anymore.Bite mark on thigh,how much pain would it caused,that question kept ringing in my head Tom.For a week,I was very disturbed and that's when I realized, safety is more important than health.Even Google can solve your health issues,but in term of safety,even God can't help you I realized.Lot of discriminations happened in college that month and it made me realized something. I don't wish to see it as gender discriminations.It's not male abusing female.I saw it as a strong person harming a weaker soul.I hate it.I nourished that rage in me up to this day because that is what I want to change.The health and safety of mankind and at the age io 87, I leave the earth."