Last Day of 2021

It’s a sunny yet gloomy day.Klang won’t be able to stand another flood.Hopefully it won’t rain continuously.It reminds me of my childhood,my grandparent’s house.

When I was a kid,I love my grandparents  and their village more than my parent’s house.I’m a rare old school kid.Tree,jungle,river ,snakes,spiders,scorpion,chicken,cow,goat,I just love them.I felt entrapped when I was forcefully brought by my parents to their brick prison so called home.

When we were young,we used to wonder when we will be an adult but now as an adult,the reality hit us hard with a torn slipper.Being an adult is a miserable phase of life I felt.

In less than 12 hours ,I’m going to be 31.At 30,I felt like there’s only 20 30 years remains and I will die in another 20 30 years.

It’s an unnecessary feeling but I felt every second passing by is a second towards death.

Past 2 years I lived my life as a mediocre. Procrastinating,being lazy,slow and I just simply screwed my life for the past 2 years.In the end,I’m really tired being such a person.

“What is your goal?”when my friends used to asked me two years ago,I told everyone repeatedly;when I die,people should remember my name for at least  100 years.

Since I started working,I slowly drifted away from my goal and passion.With time,everything faded.I’m no more myself.

Today is the last day of 2021.A year that will be in our memories for a very long time.

Well,it’s time to say goodbye and to start a new chapter.This time,let’s live our dream.

Welcome 2022.

When Doctors do Mistakes

 

In medical, disaster do not simply occurs,they evolve.When things goes wrong,it is usually because a series of failures conspires to produce disaster.

A doctor shouldn’t dithered.It produce a wrong outcome.When you are lucky enough,a wrong decision won’t be big enough to cause harm to anyone.

When doctors make mistakes,it’s not something that we can talk about and learn from it.

To prevent a doctor from making errors,the system was created  in  such a way where there are multiple layers of  preventive  measures to prevent any unnecessary negligence.

The kid was a 3 years old boy with known case of thalassemia and transfusion dependent.The biggest reason why I hate clinic is because of  general paeds.It’s definitely not my cup of tea especially with problematic parents and over weight kids where I can’t even appreciate a single vessels,thanks to Mc D.

It took me 40 minutes to take his blood and set an IV access.We have to wrapped him with clothes and the sound pollution was unbearable.Thank god I didn’t delete my subway surf.I let him play the game and from  no where,he don’t feel anymore pain from the needle.KIDs.

“Madam do you have conjunctivitis?”my MO asked the mum while checking the kid.

From far I can see her teary eyes.

“No,I just ate prawn balls and started having this panda eyes.Just a normal allergic reaction,”she said.

“Lakdhes can you help me to check and see if her eyes are red ,”my MO told me.Unfortunately she is my age and my batch mate.

I don’t think it’s eye infection,it’s looks like an allergic reaction.

“Loratidine ,cetrizine?”

“Give piriton,”she said.

“Once every night/PRN?”I double checked.

“TDS.”

1 hour later,the pharmacist called.

“Doctor,you prescribed piriton for this patient right?”

“Ya,”I answered.

“The patient is breastfeeding,so piriton isn’t suitable.”

I didn’t expect her to have another baby too soon and I was stupid enough not to ask about it.

End of 2021

Well,it was a great year full of  dramas. Covid,no water supply for days and at last flood.The price of choosing Klang for housemanship .

Personally too,so many things happened and a lot of things changed.

Some for good,some for bad but end of the day,everything taught a lesson.

When a baby born flat,I used to cursed myself but end of the day I realised that,you learnt more from bad situations than a good casual moments.

Experience is the key for long term memory,not just going through books theoretically.

2021 going to end in few more days.What is my resolution?

A question that I asked myself.

“Maybe we shouldn’t be afraid to start over again.Maybe we might like the new story better.”

New beginning.

When Your Batchmates Became Your MO

We entered the coffee shop.The same waiter that used to smile whenever someone enter the shop was there.From her facial muscles movement ,I guessed she smiled while on  her face mask.

We sat at a corner table and had out first meal together after 6 weeks. Paediatric hit me hard emotionally and physically and the struggle still ongoing.

I poured a glass of water and handed it to her.

As usual I don’t talk much,I was in my own grumpy  mood.

She as usual always had something to say.

“You’ve become so quite,’ she said.

‘Nothing like that.’

Deep inside,next week assessment,fingerflex,the issues with late submission of taglog,teaching,all kind of shit was floating in my head.

‘So ,tell me,what have you been up to?’she asked.

I remained silence for 70 seconds,a question that I dont have an answer.

‘I’m a misfit ,my batchmates became my MOs and I’m writing seen  by for them.’

She smiled.

“Being late doesn’t mean a failure,maybe it means getting ready for something big.’

I don’t know if that makes me better but I realized that we don’t meet people by accident.They are meant to cross our path for a reason.

Some as our strength and some as our pain.After years  I learnt there are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.

Paediatric,A Different World

 

5th posting,at last.Paediatric,totally a different world.Department that I was afraid of ;the most.

I thought it would be same as toxic as O&G,hence I volunteered for covid rotation.After finishing my covid rotation,back to paeds tagging day 5.

After effect of PPE

Covid was fun,learnt how to manage a covid patient,how to take an ABG without failing etc.Rotation that trained me to be numb with deaths and mourning .

After a week of tagging,I slowly started to like the department except the exam part and the need to read & read(which I dont really do).

I just learn how they manage certain cases during rounds.I’m tired of studying and reading medical books again thanks to my tiring 8 years plus in Bangladesh.

Somehow I got no other choice.

Let’s wait and see how this is going to  end.

Starting Again From Zero

When starting from zero with left over muscles and kgs of water and fats from months of over eating,the first step will be adding cardio and cut down carbs.

Cardio to remove the water and small portion of meal to normalize the dilated gut.

Covid -19: How We Making It Complicated

 

“Hello,am I disturbing you?”

‘Yeah,but what is life without being disturbed by the right people,”I said.

She started to smile widely.

“What will happen if someone is drowning?”She quizzed again pointing at the sea.

I craned my neck to get a better view from the bench.

“Will die,”I ended it.

“Why?”she questioned again.

“Some whys have no answer,” I said  lounging lazily on the bench apart from the fact that I was trying to make small talk.

“Why you keeping your face like you just finished a grumble session?”

 Maybe that’s my natural expression I thought.

“Well fresh water is hypotonic,rapidly absorbed across alveolar membranes,impairs surfactant function and caused alveolar collapse,right to left shunting of non oxygenated blood.Absorption of large amount of hypotonic fluid will result in hemolysis while salty sea water is hypertonic hence provokes alveolar oedema.”

The couple next to us looked up and down at us as if we had questioned them about their secret personal fantasies and exchanged cold glances.

People had fear of death but they will wear their mask to cover their chin exposing their nose inviting the virus.Like having a strong metal gate at their home but left it open unlocked at night.

She took 11 seconds,but she gave a brief nod at the end.

“Means will die?”she summarized.

Life is really  simple but we insist on making it complicated;like simply wearing the mask properly.

Positive Covid For the Second Time?

 

It’s  been 6 months since I was tested positive for Covid 19.

I still remember the date; 9/12/20.

Been three months since I completed my second dose of vaccine.

In a week,two patient’s covid pcr came out as positive,one more patient’s covid pcr gene expert was positive.

Unlike medical,no one give a shit about contact tracing,to ask if got any symptoms in this department.

The medical consultant was very concerned about house officer’s health.

It’s not the same here.

Those same symptoms ,headache,mild sore throat,joint pain,unexplainable lethargy is there again.

For the second time?Even after vaccination?

 I don’t know;for now.

I have to work till 9pm today and I’m oncall tomorrow.If I go for swab then the entire time table for the week will collapse.Only three house officer covering the entire ward,there’s no more man power left to run the wards.Without house officer,ortho department will be  dyfunctional to be honest.We are the back  bone for this department and we are the one that make sure patient is optimize and well prepared for a surgery.

Yet,no one respect nor appreciate our effort like other departments.

Wearing a set of full enhanced PPE for straight 6  to 8 hours,suffocated with a tight N95 face mask,drenched with our own sweat..Within few hours,you will experienced a sort of headache,not sure if it’s because of dehydration or the heat..

It’s super unpleasant..

I wish things could be different.

I wish we all can live a normal life;like before.

I wish we all could freely go out,create memories that we supposed to create.

After all,life is to make memories.

I wish I can see my family and spend time with them.

I wish everything will comes to an end soon.

Because its  exhausting ..

I am exhausted.

Anyway,our next short film is coming soon.

Do watch the teaser .

Click here

In Real Life Bad Guys Win

 

In  movies bad guys lose,in real life bad guys win..Ortho,I was excited about this posting..but,among all four departments,ortho was the worst.Be it the people,the system.

Bgm Of Third song

 

Done composing bgm for my third song.

Health is The Biggest Gift

 

He was stretched out on his bed.

Older than his biological age.

His skin drenched with sweat,his eyes feebly searching for someone.

The veins on his bony hands were as thick as cord.His touch was weak and clammy.

At the sound of my voice,”Take rest,”a smile flickered over his deathly face.

His eyes became teary and he looked sad.

“Thanks,”he whispered. 

“I didn’t wish to go this young.”

I didn’t utter a word.I don’t know what to say to be honest.

Witnessing someone is dying is painful.

“Being healthy is the biggest gift of life right”?he mumbled.

I looked at him.

Few seconds later ,I turned and walked away towards the counter.

Didn’t say anything.

But what he said was true.

Don’t Try to Find Answers

“He’s a schizophrenic patient so pay extra attention to him and the next patient is bipolar so make sure he never jump off  from 8th floor, ”she said.

“I just stepped into the ward and you started  passing over shit like this?”

“Your bad luck,you chose this place,”she giggled.

“But why??Why today?”I sighed.

“Life is complicated,don’t try to find  answers.”

She gave a terrible idea.

“If try?”I questioned.

“When you try to find answers,life changes the questions.”

“Is it good or bad?”

“Depends.”