In Your World,That's a 'S',but in My World That's HOPE

In your world,that's a 'S',but in my world that's HOPE.

Cib@i A :Bro,you should cut your hair!

Me:Why ?

Cib@i A:You look like a monkey.

Me:Tanx god.I was expecting something else.At least I'm less human.

                               

Day: 2

Certain wounds needs healing.

Certain wound doesn't have to heal.You make them your strength by perseverance.

                             
Day :Don't know



 Cib@i B :You going to be a doctor.If you inflict such scars and calluses,what the patient will think of you?
Me: Superman.
Cib@i B: It's ugly bro.
Me:You go to a cinema to watch a movie and someone disturb your family and when you cant't protect them with your bare hand,hiding your face like a pus**,that's ugly you motherf*cker.Not scars and callus.(Fortunately it's mind voice). HAHA,Okay bro.
Cib@i B:Don't laugh,be serious about it.
Me:To be the most influential person,30 under 30,I need to train my mind,physique and skills together.Lack of any one of them will be a bad combo bro.
Cib@i B:30 under 30?What's that?
Me:Know it first,then let's talk about scars.

My playground for a month.

Noman:Yesterday I saw you at Gec..I showed you to a guy and asked him if he knows you.

Me:I see.What he said bro?

Noman:He said he knew.He told me that you used  to train at Alvira's gym and you had some issue there because of a girl from National University and they banned you from there.Is it true?

Me:HAHA.Wow,I wish that was true.At least life would be colorful.Who is that girl?I'm curious.

Me:Even my father hates me for no reason,a Bangladeshi hated me and created creative rumours doesn't surprise me . Give me more.

Despite sore and painful  knuckles from daily training,I add few more round  everyday using  the help of gravity.It's nothing compare to the circumstances.

                                         

Cold water therapy might have lots of benefits but the only reason I added them to my T.O.T's list was because it build my willpower muscle.Will cover complete details about it in the future but don't try it at home especially during winter.It's torturous;unfortunately for normal human being,not for me.You can't be ME.Ya,you heard it right.

Life was fine and progressing till 2014;then depression paid a visit.

                                          

and I messed up.No,fucked up perhaps.

28/7/2015

The piggy side of the past.

and if it's 2038  and you're my kid,let me remind you that things can go from good to worse and eventually it might turn to worst but remember,nothing is impossible,nothing is the end until you never give up mentally .I will be the best father you could have but I will never catch the fish and give you.I will teach you fishing and you go out there and figure out your way.If I tell  you how to do and what to do,you will be another puppet like people around you.It's a friendly reminder but don't worry,I will always be your pillar unlike what I faced in my life.

Even though I don't have the best privilege,finding nor giving excuses for the lack wasn't my way.

I make use of everything around me doesn't matter how sickening it taste or sounds.

My favorite among the trash:Jaal moori. 

 My saviour during days of extreme hunger.

The only real supplement (creatine) that I had and been using up to today in 2017 despite it's expired..

Constantly have to monitor my eyes for jaundice and leg if there's any edema every morning.Even when I went back Malaysia,I used to look for an expired new protein  powder from Eji Nutrition (since the owner Tan is sort of a friend of mine who still remember my name even after years) because I can buy a RM210 protein for only Rm90 because of the passed expiry date and use the remaining cash to fund  my business plans.Almost all the  plans  failed yet giving up isn't an option.The lessons worth the losses.

Almost all the spices and cooking material I used will be expired yet my cells survived .That is why I acclaimed that I'm less human than the rest,perhaps Son of God.

The cheapest and most sickening food in my menu .Always gave a sense of nausea post meal.

Yet,its far better than eating a chicken curry from nearby shop where you can see a small cockroach floating among the gravy.Initially I used to make lots of dramas and thew the whole meal  into dustbin but with time,I'm trained to put the portion of  cockroach or small bug a side and continued eating  the remaining meal.Having a meal seems a blessing when  I saw  people at the road side has nothing to eat..That's leaded  me here and today I can eat anywhere,anything even if  the rice had been cooked from high level arsenic water source; as long as my brain registered it as edible.

The cheapest breakfast -only Rm.1.50

Price comparison

Malaysia: Chicken breast 2 kg  rm23

Bangladesh :Chicken breast 1kg rm27

Malaysia:Egg grade c 1 dozen :rm3.60

Bangladesh:Egg grade c 1 dozen rm 4.80

Malaysia :Oats 1.5kg rm12.90

Bangladesh :1kg Rm 27

Malaysia:Protein powder 4lbs -Rm160

Bangladesh::Protein powder 4lbs -RM 340

and the list goes on...I had to get everything at a doubled price here.(soon roadside grass will be the wise choice)

My gym which  transformed my whole body(90kg to 65kg today) for past 2 years.No cardio,no machine,only weights and tremendous amount of willpower. 

this punching bag was my therapy for past one month and it's come to an end today.

If you use this treadmill,it's monthly rm95 .If only gym(the weights) then its rm75

Mount Agung's Volcano,Interstellar Asteroid and Human Puppetee

Humans are puppets of emotion.

   "Did you saw the news about Bali's Mount Agung about to erupt?"
   "Yes,I saw it.Terrific ",I declared.
It was a cold winter night .To compound the discomfort,I was just wearing a sleeveless singlet and jeans and both of us were holding our chill Houston can,a carbonated beverage.

   "The sky looks beautiful today,"Tom said while pointing his right index finger towards the dark sky."We're sitting still here on top of 12th floor building and something out there, 124 million miles away travelling so fast coming towards our path."
     "Isn't that astonishing ?"Tom exclaimed.

  "Felt the same",I reiterated surprised at that apparent irrelevancy .He was talking about the first observed interstellar object "Oumuamua'  a weird giant cigar shape asteroid  unlike other asteroid nor comet with such shape  that will pass by Earth in January 2019.

We both lapsed into silence ,thinking about the complexities of the universe and nature around us.Tom sat hunched up,knees clasped closed to the chest while stared out to the sky.I sensed he was thinking deeply while I picked up few small cement made pebbles from the left over construction and one by one threw them down from the rooftop of the  building.

   "Don't kill anyone down there on the street",Tom sputtered while sipping his drink.
  "I don't have too,"I replied, "eventually mankind will kill each other themselves.They don't need my help."
Tom smiled and hesitantly added,"in the name of religion and politics perhaps."

Encouraged to proceed,he said ,"500 years ago,humans live miles away from each other."Then religion came strongly into our context ,glued us far a part to live happily  together and now,"he sighed.

  "We killing each other using the same ideology ,"I mused a loud.
  "Tom,"I said tapping his left shoulder slowly."I forget to tell you something.I failed my exam."He looked at me with a startled expression.
    "I'm sorry man,"he slurred.
     "Why?"I asked.
     "Things will be good next time,"he added looking at me.

  "Don't kid me ,Tom",I countered,"treat a patient in hospital as ill or treating a setback as a failure is the common demonic little thing that society do to us most of the time."
"Don't give the same shit to me."

He hung his head a moment, became subdued and turned back to me.
"That's wise man,"he replied.

I re -replied,"Tom,put your ear up by my mouth.I want to say something for your ears only."
The sugar rush from Houston flushed in his cheeks blushed to pink.

  "There is something you get by winning."
    "There is something you get while losing."
"If you know how to extract the lessons from it,there isn't any setback in failing ,"I added.

   "And Tom,a secret jush between us fellas."
"3 weeks ago,when the result was out,I messaged few selected people to inform about this."
Tom was listening quietly.

"It felt like being at the edge.I might never get it back again so I make use of it to see how people around me that initially claimed had prayed for me reacts when it turned out the other way around."

      "What did you learned?"Tom paid more attention this time.His body turned towards me curiously.

   "I learnt that none of them really matters.Be it friends,be it relatives,be it people I loved,they can't give me the word that my mind seek."

    "I realized I am my greatest teacher at the time of misery and their opinion doesn't really matter."
I theorized the humans around me in few categories."

    "People who are your strength,to whom you can lean during hardtime."
    "The next is the entertainers or sugar candies ."
  "Sugar candy?"Tom asked frowning his eyebrows.
"Yes.Sugar candy is delicious at the moment but it bring no real values except pleasure for time being.The more you dwell on them longer,you will eventually spoil your teeth,"I explained.

"That's interesting.That's all?"questioned Tom.
  "There are two more .The toxic people and the ambivalenter."

"Wait!"Tom interrupted.
"I can guess what toxic people meant but what is that word ambivalenter?"asked Tom.

I smiled and continued,"ambivalenter are people that you aren't sure if they really good or bad.They almost like toxic people but in term of toxic people,you know their bad intention from far but ambivalent people are those who you can't distinguish if they're good or bad even when they sit close next to your face.There are deadly people to have around.They will get into your head in a subtle way and will mess up your life.""There are many of them in this era."

"Tom laughed out loud."That's interesting man.Tell me more about it.How do you know ,perhaps identify such people?"
They seems like wearing a mask aren't they ?"

"You're correct Tom,"I sighed."Easy,whenever you feel or doubt if someone is really happy for you or they just pretending to be,if such thought arise in your mind,just clarify them into such categories."

"Doesn't it sounds more like judging someone?"Tom curious to know more.

"It's different Tom.You usually will have an impression about someone during the first few minute of your talk with a person.That's more like an intuition and people who lack of wisdom might said it's judgmental and there's nothing wrong with it."
"The more accurate way you can use to evaluate someone without judging them is,you first analyze their act and intention ,take a day and re evaluate it."
"Body language can't fake you.Maybe someone's face can fake it but look at more less conscious voluntary parts like fingers.The best would be their feet.Human mind pay less attention to leg without realizing it because fakers use most of the energy to mask the facial muscles and upper body part,"I explained.

I continued,"there was an experiment Tom.In that experiment,researcher take the sample of sweat of two group of people during their fearful state."Just assume one from bungee jumping,more fearful stuff and another one is less intense activity.When they tested it to a group of people in lab asking them to smell both of the sample while their brain activity is being recorded with eeg cap and fMRI,the the sweat of bungee jumper  gave a different reaction in the brain..Although both were just sweats,the bungee jumper's sweat activate different areas in our brain resembling the same area that get activated when we frightened more intensely.People assume it's their gut feeling but the brain knows subconsciously about someone's evil motivate and this is the reason why you feels weird about certain people .I can give you more example but I guess this would be enough to make you understand the concept.. ."

"I got it Lakdhes",Tom reassured.
" Do the participant knows about it?"
 "That they actually smelling someone's armpit's sweat?"Tom made a joke and laughed himself.

"No idea Tom."
"But you know what,despite all this,there was this few people especially these girl,they don't even know me in person."
"We just sort of social media friends that barely know each other but they buzzed  me from no where asking me how am I doing because I'm missing in action."

"That's sweettttt!"
"Do they look pretty?"Tom asked with a silly reaction and curiosity.
I just smiled and  narrated this interesting incident ,"and there was this bunch of people that when I posted a quote of Harun Yahya on my story that sounds like this,"

 'I wonder why birds stay in the same place when they can fly anywhere else on Earth,then I asked myself the same question' - some tried to answer it in a smart way explaining it why.They turned into a pundit for no reason without knowing that it's a quote."
"It made me clear that there are many that see and listen just to say something.Or maybe some tried to initiate a conversation with me.What do you think Tom?".

"It could be either they love you or they hate you,it should be one of the reason",said Tom."and the bird stayed at the same place maybe because it's a fucking dumb animal."Tom too answered the quote.

He continued,"there was a time when I was at Ghana for a charity purpose."
"I remember the first day I got there,this little girl came running over with this plastic cup."
"She got eggs in the cup and she said something that I don"t understand looking at me expectantly with this cup and I was like,why is she giving me the eggs?The host mother explained me that eggs are very precious commodity there.The chicken often don't lay many eggs because they don't have enough nutrition.She explained that the small girl is giving me the most valuable thing that the family has to welcomes me."

Tom continued,"I always wonder people that poor externally are much richer inside than those who have enough to share with others yet they aren't satisfied enough to keep people around them happy."


"Human are puppet of emotion Tom."
"The emotional tail wags the rational dog.Many are guided by emotion rather than by reason.I just want to be the least fucked up version of that,"I explained.
"I knew what happened during the whole so called exam.I don't feel like finding excuses or pin point anything.That will make me work less than I should to overcome discrimination and biases.But..."
I stopped a moment ,inhaled deeply tried to hide the rage in me.

    "That 'but' stopped Tom's humour.His eyes rested on the dark sky above us.
"I can feel the pain in you",Tom uttered.
      "If they take the pain away ,I will lose the strength Tom.Let it be there.I prefer to live by design then to live by default,"I reassured him.
"You are super wise man,"Tom said while tapping my right shoulder gently.

I leaned back while holding the can that no more chill in my left hand,sighed and said,"no Tom,,"I'm not wise,I'm just conscious of my subconscious.If I let it to drive me,soon I will label the whole thing as fate like others."
"I'm authentically going to steal the ideas from the greatest and going to fix the unfixed,"I ended it with eyes full of rage.
That's the way man,"Tom tried to make me feel better and he continued ,"What's next?"
I lifted the can towards his,"CHEERS TOM"...

5 years from now,whenever I see this picture,it will reminds me what happened on that day ,everyone and everything related to that story.

Result Turned Me Immortal

It was always a fear not knowing an answer.It took years before I realized you may not know all the answers but you won't be asked all the questions either.
Deep inside us,there is a person who refuse to be kept deep inside.What does he/she in u really wants?Do u know it for real?No?Good..Yes?Great.Now we're a team.You knew,u hustling but nothing great happen,yet? Doesn't matter how slow it goes,you're still lapping everybody on the couch.As long as its not just motion but progress,even if life seems hanging up side down, its still gona be okay.

Hero to Zero

4AM

Today I learnt that you dont need a heroin to be a hero.

The right mind will be sufficient. 

Exam Turned me Into Superman

No one ever made me feel this way.No place ever made me do this much.I just realized I went tru thousand nine hundred pages of information past six days.I felt like a superman til someone screwed it.Somehow someone will be there to fck it.Yet,I realized,changes always happen during bad time.

Self Made Person

From the conversation with others,one thing was clear,people want it yesterday.Most people want the convenience of transformation without the inconvenience.The reason why most people wont become what they want is bcz they're too attached to who they've been.Everyone has issues.Everybdy has a hard road.Along the way, I learnt that u have to have faith in yourself and the faith is not jst hving or understnd that everytin gona be ok bt even if things dnt go the way as u wanted,its stil gona b okay n that is faith for me..Shw me a great man who's son of a great man..They never going to b a self made person with 

abundance of bck up.I tot exm was hard.Then I realized what is hard.If millions of ppl could do it in the past,it wasn't hard.If only few have done it,thats hard.Med in CMC alone shouldn't be hard bt training without a gym,jst at home without any guidance bt ur brain n maintaining the bsnss that feed ur cells cz there is air stil moving tru ur nostrils n that combo is hard.I prefer the hard way even its imperfect.Looking at one step at a time without looking at the summit is the only key to face hard times I realized.

Human Relationships is an Illusion

When i wanted to post something that i dont want many to read,excpt myself in the future,i choose the less interactive pict n time..

2050 seems future but for me its just 33 yr away.if im alive at 59,i have to witness there will b 9b human whch could go up to 12b humans on planet.Now with 7.5b humans,job bcm uncertain,n crime rate; undebatable.Imagine urself as a parents,grandparents witnessing the struggle of ur offsprings.Nowdys uploadin pict wit ur face tend to jeopardize ur image.Yenda ipidi..? 👏👏

Thats when I realized,human relationships is an illusion at times.

Lemuria

It feels good to have friends from diff countries til someone be fanatic about religions.This era of civilization starts from 3102 bc.First pyramid was build for 19 years frm 2630 to 2611 BC and the height of the ppl was almost like us today frm 165 to 175cm.They wasnt super humans with larger arms.The details about hypothetical "lost land" that connect Madagascar and Australia was in the stories dated 302 BC n was first wrtten in the books in 1350 to 1420.The
concept of Lemuria has been rendered obsolete by modern theories of plate tectonics unlike Zealandia and Mauritia.Science will be correct til someone prove it wrong like in 2006 that Pluto is a dwarf planet in Kuiper Belt.My ancestor knws this shit thousands years back without even a telescope.Yet when someone asked me to believe who comes first n from where they came and to where they migrated and how they did that,I realized human could change the whole story accrdin to how they want it.Mayb its not about who comes first but who could sustain it.If we cant sustain our first place,everyone around us will try their best to take our place with their build up stories.When we know our ground well its not easy to shake our base.Maybe all we need is to know it better.

Price of an Egg

I asked the price of 1 dozen of eggs.He said 110taka.Just 24 hr back, it was 90 taka.I asked him,if they keep increasing the price,how the poor will eat?He replied with a sinister smile,"if they are poor,then dont eat it".Maybe having a small grocery shop made him felt superior and rich but the fact is,he too is an average person.I realized when someone is somehow a step above someone ,they see themselves as  greater  than the rest and they dont give a fuck about others.That doesn't  just stop  with money,its including everything else.Medical dr felt they r superior than dental dr til their tooth need fixation.Final year student felt greater than 2nd year n those who studying in gov clge felt superior than those who studying aboard.Mo feels like they r god when they see ho.Everyone needs such feeling of greatness but it doesnt need to be there all the time with everyone.When its our time,either they gona burn us or bury us.Even if u have a RM10k pacemaker inside ur chest,no body gona give a fuck abt it but burn u with everything including  that expensive shit in ur body.Wonder why that much of unnecessary dramas then.Treat human as human cz once ur body cant cooperate to ur dramas,all u seek is real love from people around u.

Humans are a curious species

Humans are a curious species.We wonder,we seek answers.Living in this vast world that is by turns kind and cruel,and gazing at the immense heavens above,people have always asked a multitude of questions.Some are silly and some are relevant.I wished these questions came much earlier with greater intensity that might placed me somewhere else..why is there something rather than nothing?Why do we exist?I always wonder why if our solar system moving at an average velocity of 828,000 km/hr yet we are standing still?Even at that high rate, it still takes us about 230 million years to make one complete orbit around the spiral Milky Way.That invisible law of gravity reminds me something almost everyday..There is a magic that we cant see but will work precisely for every one of us if we keep trying..I wish I could use that magic not just to exist,study,work,get marry,get laid,reproduce,live the whole life for the sake of breathing with a continuous struggle and eventually die..I wish to live.

Snake Bite and Ai

"What will happen to the people that staying at such places if it keeps raining for days?"he asked.
"I don't know",I replied while turning the next page of  The Intelligent Investor.
"What will be the worst thing to do in next 10 years?"he continued.
"Terrorism,being a criminal?"I replied with a questioning tone.
"Why?"he asked with a shock.
"Of course it will be the most fucked up thing to do with the latest  technology and social media.People will easily locate you right?"I replied.
"So do you think Ai and robots will overtake us?"he asked his next doubt.
"Maybe.For an example,nowadays machines can return our exact balance doesn't matter coins or notes at LRT stations.So who knows,artificial intelligence and robots could overtake us",I replied with a smile trying to ignore him.




"Do you think snakes will enter their house if its flooded?",he still wondering the same but I remained silent.
"Do you think Ai will overtake doctors in the future"?he continued.
"It was a good question but only God knows the answer.Many knows the difference between the bite of a poisonous and non poisonous snakes.For an example,if its poisonous ,there will be 2 long fangs and in case of non poisonous snake,there will be several small teeth. From the mark we could identify the nature of the snakes.Just by watching movies and by searching on net,we will have an idea that by giving the polyvalent anti snake venom,it will neutralize the venom.During  real situations,it doesnt be that simple.The important thing that running against us during emergencies is time.Apart from all the general measures and first aid,the snake should be identify because when the snake has been identified, monovalent serum which is better and more potent can be given.Other than that,since there are neuro and haemotoxic venom ,we must be accurate with the type of  the snake.For an example,in cobra bite,there will be neuromuscular blockade so paralysis can occurs.For that neostigmine and atropine should be given.If its a viper bite,DIC is common so heparin should be given.We can confirm the snake venom by ELISA,but its expensive and time consuming",I explained.

"So they will die is it?"he wondered.

"I don't know,maybe.From my experience,I have  never seen people die just like that from a snake bite.They get something worse than that;amputations of the body parts like hand and leg because of gangrene.Even with debridement and proper care,the surrounding tissue around the bite wound keep dying in some",I shared my experiences.
He nodded and asked me again,"so do you think Ai and robots will overtake us?"


????

Ex

During my holidays,I went back to certain places to refresh that old feeling.I had a feeling like this will never repeat again .When I went to these places,stopped for awhile and observed what I'm actually feeling inside,I realized something.

The thing was,there was some kind of nostalgic feeling inside but it doesn't feel like living the same moments again.The places in the past,the people that I met,I dont miss them.I missed the feelings that they made me feel then.

'

I still remember this day.

I took this from a parking lot back in 2009 Dec.He used to delivered my stuff using his Kelisa.

Now he owns few branches around Penang

I thought he will be a policeman,but he is a professional photographer  now.

During Form 6

Form 4

That's how ugly was my work.

Form 3

When I see this now,I wondered how she could love me that much..hehe..

I too tried to make something for her.It worked but ugly as usual. 

School day's puppy love.People said its not easy to forget that first love and etc..It took me years to realize that its not about first or second.Its about how much each love meant for us.When I recall back,I realized I dont miss them at all.I just missed certain good feeling that I  felt back then.Whenever we're not with the person anymore,it seems like the mind only  remember the good things.It ignores the bad stuff about them.Maybe its because our mind doesn't bother about them anyone. 

Back to Bangladesh

One last rep til we meet again.
Irony of life,I got up here but later, gona go to bed 3900km's away from here.Tanx to Orville and Wilbur.
Its gona be a longgg lonely day.

Lessons

14 attempts which ended up as failures,dozens of pages of ways why it failed,uncountable lessons,improvement and new relationships.This few months gave so much of pain and joy to cherish years later.One of the valuable thing I realized from my mistakes was, we can trust anyone but never depends on anyone.The biggest problem with start up was the life style of people that we bring as a team to work together.Thats the first enemy of the next stage.Whatever we try to do,we dont have to have a big idea,al we need is just fix the small problems one by one like a puzzle n solve it big.I learnt its not about selling 1k worth product few times..its about selling 10 bucks product 10,000 times..End of the day,doesnt matter how bad was the result,giving up isnt an option.There's always a tomorrow and there wil be another 24hrs for mastery.As long as the soul doesnt just feels to exist but to live,as long as the plan didnt went as we wished,the game never ends.

Boy or Girl

Met an uncle with 4 daughters few days bck. He said he kept trying for a baby boy from starting but even the last baby was a girl it seems(she's 8 this year he said).Like in the movies,he was complaining about the expenses in the future. Does boys grow for free ?,I wondered.When it comes to animals,males aren't profitable they claimed,like this calf.It was funny.
Animals are the bridge between us and nature.They show us what's missing in our lives, how to love ourselves more completely and unconditionally. They connect us back to who we are and to the purpose of why we're here.If having a soul means being able to feel love, loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans.
There is a language which is not made of words and everything in the world understands it. Perhaps there is a soul hidden in everything and it can always speak without even making a sound to another soul.All we have to do is just listen with our heart than ears.Boy or girl,they r the same,just another life.Nwdys, girls are taking care of the family better than boys I realized yet some used unnecessary words. He asked me if Im married,I said no, not yet,but when i do,I prefer my first kid to be a girl with a smile.He said its easy to say bt when u face it then u wil knw the diff. 😊
'Doesnt matter what the gender would be,as long as the baby born healthy,nothing else matter uncle',I replied.