Overcoming Pain

Yesterday,I was having a conversation with my mum.It was actually an unnecessary topic that she started from no where.That 'what if' kinda topic most mother had in them.
What if you're wife do this and how would you react?
It's always seems annoying when she started such topics.I don't even in a relationship with anyone in the first place.
I don't pick a side because unlike everyone, I'm not that kind of son that fond of mother.It wasn't my mistake purely.A part from childhood dramas,that's her way.

I have never even hugged her,sleep on her lap nor hold her hand for more than a couple of seconds.
Maybe it happened when I was a baby but I can't recall such incidence from the age of realizing what's happening around.
Sometime I wished she could be different or I could be different but changing the whole thing isn't possible anymore.
She said something that made me took a pause to reflect on my thoughts.
"When you're in my house,your wife..."
I felt, I'm doing everything, earning, creating business, postponed my medical posting for her sake.Maybe I can't feel such a love towards anyone,even her but the responsibilities is always mine.That's how I framed my mind.
She could said,"When you're in our house..."
After all, I'm gona get a house not for me,It was for her..
This reminded me of my ex's words replying me once.
"It's not we, it's you and me."
Seeing as us and seeing as you and I, seeing as we and seeing as me is not just a relationship issue.
It's a leadership quality I learnt.

Most of the time I realized, this pain of heartache is unbearable.It feels hard.You can't eat,you can't sleep ,you barely living while you're still breathing.
It's a super extremely undesirable feelings but if you went through it and survived, nothing could break you anymore.
The problem is, psychological pain is equally painful as physiological pain in our mind.So it's not just a mind thing that we can change in a day by altering our mindset and perception.

Most of the time, whenever we want to achieve something,it started in our mind.Maybe as an idea,a thought, positive belief.
Action speaks louder than words but words are more important than action.Words are the initiator.Action is a reaction to a creation.
Don't believe me?
While you're reading this,say your name in your mind?
Pallavi?
Can you listen it?
Yes of course but we know our vocal cord doesn't vibrate,no sound energy was produced as we know that we can listen to a sound because of the vibration that converted into sound but how you heard your name in your mind?
That sound,that words, it's more important  than action.
In term  of heartache and breakup,this technique doesn't applicable honestly.
You need to do the reverse.
Positive thinking will never helps. Only positive action helps.
That action slowly create an illusion  that you can actually change your current state.
Be it pain, addiction or bad habits,you can't change them by stopping them.You have to replace the existing with something new.


Changing pain into laughter isn't possible at all unless you're in a new relationship but remember,if you don't heal your past wound before you go to someone,you will cause pain in them.That shortcut isn't the best option.
Pain should be corrected with a pain before you become happy for real.

Pain-->pain-->Best of you.
Let's go deeper.

Heartbreaking pain(negative pain)
        |
Self building pain (positive pain)
       |
Make you stronger,create a sense of belief that you can go through it which eventually you can.(time is the denominator)
     |
The past memories is there but it won't control your life anymore.

We can't forget anything but we will learn to live totally fine with the past.
It wont be erased but the intensity will fade with time.
When you can laugh and talk about it with your friends, that's when you're fully recovered.

Current pain is like a coke in a glass.
You can't pour it out to correct everything.
You should replace them with water until you can't see the coke inside the glass anymore.The black water will change into white with time.
That emptiness will leads to more pain and destructive habits.
Alcohol, smoking and drugs during heartache is the seed and water of the pain.It looks like a solution for short term.
You can sleep at night,you can cope up and go through your day but long term,it makes things worse.

And if you're having all of them like me once, that's a terrible state to be,trust me.

Meditation,gym,talk with someone doesn't help me at all.I was doing everything yet destructive .I workout,I meditate ,I talked with friends but the pain remains.
That's when I bring that positive pain.
I forced myself to eat things without sugar and salt,when I meditate, I meditate under cold shower.Every morning and night even during winter,I only take a cold shower.I changed all my workout sets to pattern and drop superset which was very painful and exhausting.
I punch the punching bag until my skins on my knuckles torn and yet I do push ups with knuckles just after the punching session.
Each time when I punch that bag,I imagine my ex,her friends and everything that cause this pain to me.

I realized something, it's not just activities, I have been doing them even before but this time,the intensity,the new challenges that I brought into action and the main thing, I replaced the negative pain with constructive pain but if you notice it,I wasn't mourning, I was in rage.
Rage is one of the best feeling that I ever experienced.
Pain can drain you or fuel you but in order to make the pain to fuel you,you need to change that heartbreaking pain into rage.
From negative energy it shifted into positive energy.
Along with progress and compounding effect, things will be different.

It wont happen in a day.
This notion that things will change in 21 days was first create by a plastic surgeon.He notice that even after surgeries,the patient still unhappy with their new look.Their old negative perception of themselves took 21days to change.To completely change and adapt their new look and believe that they're looking good,it takes 66 days.
So as I mentioned in the formula,time is the denominator in this situation.

Don't see it as 66 days,focus today.This 24hours,one step at a time,step by step.
Utilize this 24hours,plan and execute the second better version of you.

Still feeling hard? Can't get rid of their thoughts?I know that feeling.There's a secret that anyone can apply to get rid of that thoughts.Will share in my next post.