Why Man Get Bored of the Same Woman?Coolidge Effect & Pornography Addiction

   

The downside of internet. Correction.Consequences of parents allowing the usage of mobile phone way too early.

This reminds  me of a case.A complete stranger that dm me of his problem.

Pornography.

It was the first time someone approached me with such a problem.

Other than drugs, alcohol,over eating,this is a form of addiction as well.But in today's world,new sort of addictions are there as well like comments,selfies,virtual likes,games,phones,even shoes and handbag.Mankind don't limit themselves creating new problems and addiction.Maybe part of homosapien's evolution.

Well,back to this person x.

He was confused between sex and watching porn.

There's a saying that sex is healthy and it's essential for a healthy relationship.

Sometime I'm little confused about transmuting sexual energy  into creating whatever we want.That's a whole different topic but addicted to porn and masturbating isn't sex in the first place.It's addictive because as other addiction,it induce dopamine within our brain.Sex with a partner induce cocktail of hormones within our brain.It's different.

He asked me something.

"Day by day, I'm feeling weird..I want to watch them but I don't feel the same good feeling as before."

"How long have you been addicted to pornography?"I asked.

"Since I'm 14."

"How old are you?"I questioned.

"25 ,"he replied.

"So why are u seeking me?You want to stop your addiction or you want to know why you're not getting the same feeling?"I replied.

He didn't reply for sometime.

The funny thing about studying this problem is, researcher don't have a control group.It's not like studying lung cancer and cigarette.There will be a group that don't smoke .If such group doesn't exist,lung cancer would be considered as common for male.

In this case, there's no abstinence group to act as a control.That's the problem.Almost every male had experience with porn.

Yet there is a group that act as a control.

Let me talk about them after I explain what is Coolidge effect.

The Coolidge effect is a biological phenomenon seen in animals, whereby males exhibit renewed sexual interest whenever a new female is introduced to have sex with, even after cessation of sex with prior but still available sexual partners.

Okay,the definition is quite confusing.Let me put them in simple words.

The Coolidge Effect is a phenomenon based on mammal sexuality and why men specifically get tired of having sex with the same partner over time. 

For a male that took 10 minute to complete his task with a lady that he have been making love for past 5 years,he will get the job done in 2 minute flat with a new lady.

That's what this effect all about.

This isn't the case in pornography.They need new videos to get the same arousal.Same video won't be effective with time.With time,the part of the brain that send the signal of arousal which is responsible for erection will become desensitized.It leads to erectile dysfunction.Those who ended up with erectile dysfunction is the control group I mentioned earlier.They will stop watching porn.

Systematic desensitization in psychology serves us. Systematic desensitization is a behavioral technique whereby a person is gradually exposed to an anxiety-producing object, event, or place while being engaged in some type of relaxation at the same time in order to reduce the symptoms of anxiety such as phobias. 

Here, it's a different scenario.

The good news is,brain is plastic.ED due to such condition without pathological problem is reversible.

For young man,it takes around 5 month while for elder man,it only took 2 to 3 months.

Miracle of sexual energy.

A week ago.

Trying new brand.

Trying longjack/

eurycoma longifolia or aka Tongkat Ali as natural testosterone booster.

Honey and peanut for voice,brain and muscles.

For help,mail at pranasteya@gmail.com.

Seizure

Type of Seizures?
Seizures are classified into two groups.

Generalized seizures affect both sides of the brain.
*Absence seizures, sometimes called petit mal seizures, can cause rapid blinking or a few seconds of staring into space. *Tonic-clonic seizures, also called grand mal seizures, can make a person
-Cry out.
-Lose consciousness.
-Fall to the ground.
-Have muscle jerks or spasms.

Focal seizures are located in just one area of the brain. These seizures are also called partial seizures. *Simple focal seizures affect a small part of the brain. These seizures can cause twitching or a change in sensation, such as a strange taste or smell. *Complex focal seizures can make a person with epilepsy confused or dazed. The person will be unable to respond to questions or direction for up to a few minutes. *Secondary generalized seizures begin in one part of the brain, but then spread to both sides of the brain. In other words, the person first has a focal seizure, followed by a generalized seizure.

What you shouldn't do?

Do not hold the person down or try to stop his or her movements.

Do not put anything in the person’s mouth. This can injure teeth or the jaw. A person having a seizure cannot swallow his or her tongue.

Do not try to give mouth-to-mouth breaths (like CPR). People usually start breathing again on their own after a seizure.

Do not offer the person water or food until he or she is fully alert.

Overcoming Pain

Yesterday,I was having a conversation with my mum.It was actually an unnecessary topic that she started from no where.That 'what if' kinda topic most mother had in them.
What if you're wife do this and how would you react?
It's always seems annoying when she started such topics.I don't even in a relationship with anyone in the first place.
I don't pick a side because unlike everyone, I'm not that kind of son that fond of mother.It wasn't my mistake purely.A part from childhood dramas,that's her way.

I have never even hugged her,sleep on her lap nor hold her hand for more than a couple of seconds.
Maybe it happened when I was a baby but I can't recall such incidence from the age of realizing what's happening around.
Sometime I wished she could be different or I could be different but changing the whole thing isn't possible anymore.
She said something that made me took a pause to reflect on my thoughts.
"When you're in my house,your wife..."
I felt, I'm doing everything, earning, creating business, postponed my medical posting for her sake.Maybe I can't feel such a love towards anyone,even her but the responsibilities is always mine.That's how I framed my mind.
She could said,"When you're in our house..."
After all, I'm gona get a house not for me,It was for her..
This reminded me of my ex's words replying me once.
"It's not we, it's you and me."
Seeing as us and seeing as you and I, seeing as we and seeing as me is not just a relationship issue.
It's a leadership quality I learnt.

Most of the time I realized, this pain of heartache is unbearable.It feels hard.You can't eat,you can't sleep ,you barely living while you're still breathing.
It's a super extremely undesirable feelings but if you went through it and survived, nothing could break you anymore.
The problem is, psychological pain is equally painful as physiological pain in our mind.So it's not just a mind thing that we can change in a day by altering our mindset and perception.

Most of the time, whenever we want to achieve something,it started in our mind.Maybe as an idea,a thought, positive belief.
Action speaks louder than words but words are more important than action.Words are the initiator.Action is a reaction to a creation.
Don't believe me?
While you're reading this,say your name in your mind?
Pallavi?
Can you listen it?
Yes of course but we know our vocal cord doesn't vibrate,no sound energy was produced as we know that we can listen to a sound because of the vibration that converted into sound but how you heard your name in your mind?
That sound,that words, it's more important  than action.
In term  of heartache and breakup,this technique doesn't applicable honestly.
You need to do the reverse.
Positive thinking will never helps. Only positive action helps.
That action slowly create an illusion  that you can actually change your current state.
Be it pain, addiction or bad habits,you can't change them by stopping them.You have to replace the existing with something new.


Changing pain into laughter isn't possible at all unless you're in a new relationship but remember,if you don't heal your past wound before you go to someone,you will cause pain in them.That shortcut isn't the best option.
Pain should be corrected with a pain before you become happy for real.

Pain-->pain-->Best of you.
Let's go deeper.

Heartbreaking pain(negative pain)
        |
Self building pain (positive pain)
       |
Make you stronger,create a sense of belief that you can go through it which eventually you can.(time is the denominator)
     |
The past memories is there but it won't control your life anymore.

We can't forget anything but we will learn to live totally fine with the past.
It wont be erased but the intensity will fade with time.
When you can laugh and talk about it with your friends, that's when you're fully recovered.

Current pain is like a coke in a glass.
You can't pour it out to correct everything.
You should replace them with water until you can't see the coke inside the glass anymore.The black water will change into white with time.
That emptiness will leads to more pain and destructive habits.
Alcohol, smoking and drugs during heartache is the seed and water of the pain.It looks like a solution for short term.
You can sleep at night,you can cope up and go through your day but long term,it makes things worse.

And if you're having all of them like me once, that's a terrible state to be,trust me.

Meditation,gym,talk with someone doesn't help me at all.I was doing everything yet destructive .I workout,I meditate ,I talked with friends but the pain remains.
That's when I bring that positive pain.
I forced myself to eat things without sugar and salt,when I meditate, I meditate under cold shower.Every morning and night even during winter,I only take a cold shower.I changed all my workout sets to pattern and drop superset which was very painful and exhausting.
I punch the punching bag until my skins on my knuckles torn and yet I do push ups with knuckles just after the punching session.
Each time when I punch that bag,I imagine my ex,her friends and everything that cause this pain to me.

I realized something, it's not just activities, I have been doing them even before but this time,the intensity,the new challenges that I brought into action and the main thing, I replaced the negative pain with constructive pain but if you notice it,I wasn't mourning, I was in rage.
Rage is one of the best feeling that I ever experienced.
Pain can drain you or fuel you but in order to make the pain to fuel you,you need to change that heartbreaking pain into rage.
From negative energy it shifted into positive energy.
Along with progress and compounding effect, things will be different.

It wont happen in a day.
This notion that things will change in 21 days was first create by a plastic surgeon.He notice that even after surgeries,the patient still unhappy with their new look.Their old negative perception of themselves took 21days to change.To completely change and adapt their new look and believe that they're looking good,it takes 66 days.
So as I mentioned in the formula,time is the denominator in this situation.

Don't see it as 66 days,focus today.This 24hours,one step at a time,step by step.
Utilize this 24hours,plan and execute the second better version of you.

Still feeling hard? Can't get rid of their thoughts?I know that feeling.There's a secret that anyone can apply to get rid of that thoughts.Will share in my next post.

One Day,It Will Happen.

There was a day when I wished I have my own keyboard.When I had it,I wished I can play it and compose some music.When I can play it partially,I wished  I could compose my own song..Today I wish,one day I could produce my own good listenable song.
#trying

How to Go from Good To Great

"To go from good to great,you don't have to start with 'where' but with ''who.You start by getting the right people on the bus,the wrong people off the bus,and the right people in the right seats.If you failed to do so,thing won't work out."

"Does this apply for everything?"he questioned.

"Be it relationship, friends,family, business or your inner circle,if you don't follow this,you can't sustain your happiness and success."