Why You're Not Getting What You Want | Pygmalion Effect

Have you ever wonder why you're not getting what you want?



I had such thoughts many times in my life.Why it's not happening?
Why am I not getting it,yet?
But in some occasion,I got what I want exactly as I wanted.

Sometime it works, sometime it's not working.
What am I missing here?

This isn't law of attraction.It's something else.
With time I learnt that ; it's because of you and because of people around you.


It was during my first year in med school.
Anatomy dissection hall
21st June 2010
1147a.m

For head and neck,Rakesh sir took the class for D batch.
He is quite young, slightly bald, speak good English, knowledgeable ,smart as well.BUT when he teach,you can't hear his voice especially if you're the last bench student.
51 competitive students that try to sit as near as possible with the teacher will be there.
In Malaysia, majority of us try to sit far to avoid attention of the teachers.There,it was the opposite.
Students wanted to be as near as they can with the teacher.

At times, it's frustrating trying your best to listen,making smart guesses what's he saying so that you can learn something.
At the end of the class,he asked the last bench students.One by one if they can listen what's he's teaching.
Everyone was nodding their head like a chicken despite the fact that they can't hear any shit.
It was my turn and my friend whispered,"Just say that you can't hear."
And I told him.
"Sitting behind is your fault or mine?"Rakesh asked.
That question it self made me realize something.This is not gona end well.

So whenever I went for anatomy oral test which is every 2, 3 days once,the moment he looked at me,he will assume that I'm definitely not gona answer it.
"You don't know right?"
"You're not even listening during class."
"I know you don't know just by looking at your face."
"Stupid."
"Bogus."
At times,he won't even ask me when it's my turn.

That's when I realized about Pygmalion effect.

It's the phenomenon whereby other's expectations of a person affect the  person's performance.
 A corollary of the Pygmalion effect is the golem effect, in which low expectations lead to a decrease in performance; both effects are forms of self-fulfilling prophecy.


When your face remind your coach of his enemy, doesn't matter what you do,he is not going to like you.Like a chain reaction,you won't perform well,he won't appreciate you nor try to make you better.The whole process become unenjoyable.
This notion happens often between houseman and MOs in hospital as well.
From my experience,this doesn't mean that you can't change it.

Eventually Rakesh started to like me.
Without touching their ego or making them look stupid,certain changes would enable them to change their point of view.

Other's perception does affect us but it's not the only reason we are not getting what we want.

The real reason is us.
We get what we expected not what we wanted.
This is the real problem with us that prevent us getting what we want.

Our brain works on the principle of anticipation.
What does it mean?
We constantly predict what we think is likely to happen before it ever occurs.
That interview,that breakup,that viva,asking something from a stranger,a date,in every situation,we will make a prediction at least in a subtle way even before it happen.
We are actually the plot writer of our life.If you know this simple psychology ,you can have a better screenplay of your life.

What we want is different,what we expect is different.
When the gap between expectations and what we want is big,it causes unnecessarily anxiety,fear and depression.

I wanted my viva to went well but deep inside somehow I expected that it won't be smooth.

I loved her but deep inside I expected that she's going to betray me.
We act and feel in a way that helps us prepare for what we think is going to happen.

We use our past experiences for the prediction.
The reason is,when we think about future,the same part of the brain gets activated as when we think about the past.

What's holding us isn't the past.
It's the belief that thing not going to be better.


If you're reading this, you're in deep shit, depressed, suicidal,ask your self this question.
"Can you see the light at the end of the tunnel?"
When?How?Can you?
Most of the time,we never even have an idea of it.
It is because we want to be happy,stress free but we never even expect it deep inside .If you expect such lights,you should know how to fix it .You would for sure.
Small positive anticipation and expectations change everything.
It's just that we never do that during hard time.

If you're expecting good thing, and you want the same, somehow we going to act in a way as per our expectations.
Its automatic .
If you want a good life but expecting tommorow going to be a hard day to deal with,you going to attract that hard day because that's how the whole anticipation and it's rewarding system of our brain works.

Even if opportunity to feel blessed is there,you can't make use of it because your expectations is bad.You already prepared for a bad day.

To change this,match your expectations and what you want.
Align them in a positive way.


I always wanted to be huge but deep inside I expected that it's not possible because of my genetic,small frame and bones.
What if I expect differently?
Let's give a try.

The Butterfly Effect 🦋

"I have something to ask you."
"Yes?"she asked.

"Years back,you used to say this.You wanted to be very rich and because of your intense desire,your mum used to say,marry a millionaire and  life will be smooth for you.I was curious if such thoughts are still there or it change with aging?It must be like 3 4 years ago after all,"I asked with curiosity.
I wanted to ask her this since last week.I realized some people's promising words change with time.
How about her?She was one of the reason why I wanted to be rich.She convinced me once that being rich is the best way to live our life.


After a moment of pause,she replied,"To be honest,I really couldn't remember if I really said that and I would said no, I'm not going for money."

That was surprisingly unexpected.
Why am I not forgetting things but everyone around me,be it strangers,good friends,best friends,your lover, relatives,even your father could forget something that they wittingly said once.
It made me wonder.How could I trust someone's words next time.
To be precise,how can I take someone's words serious?

Maybe paying attention when someone is saying something and remembering it is an unnecessary attributions in today's world I thought.


People don't remember if they lied.That is why ,if you're honest,you don't have to remember it.It's there forever.
Or maybe they didn't gave such  importance for you  as much as you gave them.
It was confusing.

"Perhaps I was too young and immature at that time.Sorry if your thoughts towards me is like that.It was my fault.I created that mess,"she continued.

I was listening.

"Of course we do need money ,but after all love overpowers everything else.Money in moderate amount is fine,if it's too much,you won't be happy as well.Some family are very poor in money but they are very rich in love,"she lectured.

It reminded me of my recent conversation with a fellow man.
In the conversation,he asked me,
"What you don't have and that guy had that made your ex secretly engaged with another guy without telling you anything about it but still talking and seeking your help time to time?"
I was thinking for a moment.
"I looked better than him.I had six packs even at that moment.I'm better in education and qualifications and..."before I complete mumbling,
"Stop,not that,not about look and qualifications ,there is something that you're missing."

"I got it.I think it's money.He was working and earning ,just that initially she don't know that he were conning and scamming people's money,but in her point of view,he had money and I was still studying even though in long run, I'm a doctor."

He smiled."Yes, it's money."
"But love could ,or should bypass issues such as money and ensure loyalty right?"I asked naively.

"Does past showed such evidences?"

His question left me in silence.

I smiled thinking about the importance of money as per her new perception about it.

She was the root cause for this mindset of making money.
What I said that day,she was saying it today and what I stood for then, she's stating it today. It's funny.
I just wanted to be knowledgeable back then but if it's not because of her,this thought of making money,using it for better purposes wouldn't be within me today.
Maybe,every one that crossed our life moves us towards our purposes or uses us to move towards their goals. Either way,the butterfly effect play its role efficiently.

Humans are extremely unpredictable and that is our blessings. Changes is the only thing that remain unchanged and that's the best gift for evolution of mankind;or it's the other way around.
Whatever it is,let's stop taking them seriously I decided.

The Secret Formula of Happiness | How To Be Happy

21st May 2019.
The moment I opened my eyes,I checked the time on my watch.
1145a.m.
Later than usual but it's fine, yesterday's midnight show wasn't that terrible after all.
Routines- Apple cider, exercise, meditate, affirmation,few minutes with instrument and some positive videos.Was watching TedTalk and it made me wondered.
I saw my niece.She sleep,she wake up,eat,watch cartoons for hours,run here,play there,shit and sleep.The the next day, the same routine continues.
Everyday it's almost the same, just at times there will be some variation but it's the same pattern.
You,me,the entire world is facing the same aren't we?
Just that some people's life is more saturated with dramas, emotion stirring events,be it good or bad.
That experience is the reason why two person can never experienced life as the same.The joy,the fun the sadness,the struggle,it can never ever be the same.
Local holidays and oversea's holiday aren't the same experience.
Struggling childhood,and a happy childhood creates different future.Kids from third world country and kids from developing countries leads a different life.

When someone says you never know what I faced, decorating their small pain as if as devastating tantrums,I quietly observe their dramatic presentation.

That's not wrong but exaggerating is our mind trying to create the best screenplay.With time,even the originality of the event changes because the mind remember what it remembered.
What does it mean?
It means,human mind doesn't goes 20 years back to recall that childhood moment.It goes to the last moment when you recalled them.If you recall that memory 6 months 8 days ago, that's where it went.

So what's this entire life is about?
This compounding, collective accumulation of moment leads us into different stages of life. Initially we are carefree and then we started to study.
Then?
We started to learn.Some learn how to learn,while the rest go with the unproductive flow. We use  education to attain a job.That ensure  us food and shelter.

This entire cycle is about moments.
MEMORIES.
We human, insects, snake's, elephant,moon, asteroid are made from the same elements of periodic table.
Same dough,but different shapes and form.
Some can talk, some have tail,some can breath in water and land, some are poisonous,some are venomous. Such a marvelous creation.Same material but the creativity is infinite.

Maybe this entire life is about creating and collecting memories.
I tried to recall my childhood . I was a little fortunate because my childhood is super dramatic.It's not lame and boring as my niece.For years I thought I was cursed but today I learnt that, that's the blessing.
I can recall things that happened when I was 2 and half, 3 ,4 years but the mid period,8 years old to 15 years;not that much.
Secondary school moment and med school memories are fresh as well, thanks to my exs.
I realized, rather than that laughing,joy moments,things that make us experience the moment intensely,sad, excited, thrilling and challenging lasted freshly and longer in our mind then the rest.

Years from now,how would it feels if I created such exciting experiences around people around me.
Maybe when I recall them back,it would be more fun,maybe the lessons and relationship that I made along the way would make people to remember my name for 100 years after my demise.

Hence I wondered, what's the role of happiness then?How to be happy?How to attain and sustain it?
I realized,these questions itself is a trap.
Happiness is like money.
For some they know how to earn it,for some they know how to save it and for some they know how to spend it,but to be the master of all 3,only the 1% of population could do that.Even if you does,your 100dollar bill that you owns today might be someone's elses tomorrow.
Happiness isn't a stagnant feelings.
It comes and goes.
Why?
Environment? Circumstances? Hormones? Food ?The parameter goes on.

I had the question in me for years.How to be happy?
Maybe my question was wrong all these years..
How can I be happy?
Maybe I'm not allowing myself.Maybe you don't know you can create them.If it's a feeling,then it's a perception , right?
If it's a perception, it's kinda an emotion.I applied First principles thinking and digged deep down.
If it's an emotion, it's mainly a mind stuff.

I realized this when I thought about the slum kids.They have nothing,pants with a hole,poor skin condition,dirty yes,they are dirty,many health issues but they never bother about them and played happily..Why?
Maybe because they're kids and they aren't exposed to the reality yet.
Then I came across poor rickshaw pullers,those roadside beggars that happily laughing,having good times with their pals.
I had money in my pocket, smartphone,good clothes, medical student,in simple word, I'm living a life 50 times ,perhaps 100 times better then them,but I didn't smile, miserable .I thought I'm the only one but once when I turned and looked at my friend,he was in a state no different than me.

What's the secret? What's wrong?
Then one day,I sat to complete my surgery case histories that I have to submit tomorrow.10 all together.Each case would be 6 7 pages.I knew it gona be a bad evening.
I started with a single sentence.
I thought let's write them in a beautiful handwriting.
Time to time I felt,the writing was good and nice for a lazy male.
Page after page and I don't feel irritated as if I achieve the flow.
Once in awhile when my fingers ached,I stopped and I look back.The entire handwriting seems impressive for me.I was happy and I don't know why and how this sudden shift happened.
I realized something that day,
When we create something that challenges us and we witness the progress and take a moment to appreciate the effort,It felt extremely good .

Create +challenge yourself
             |
      -Observe the progress
      -Take a moment to appreciate the effort
             |
    =Ended up loving the process. Everything that you hate seems likeable.

That's when I realized, happiness and good time is created.Not externally but internally, first in your mind.

When problems are seen as a challenge and we try to figure out a solution with our own creative terms,it feels different than the feeling that we felt when we dwell with the problem feeling hopeless and overwhelmed.

What happens if I could apply this formula and a sense of knowing that it's all about creating the best experience even during toughest day.


Heart aching problem
          |
Plan a creative way to solve it.That problem it self is a
challenging situation.
           |
      -Observe the small progress.
      -Take a moment to appreciate the effort, evaluate what's working and what's not .
Realize that a week from now this shall pass and you going to create an experience that you will excited recalling back.
20 years from now, it will be a good story to share with your grandkids.
             |
What would we feel?


Trying to solve it self is a different vibe,the emotion of solving and dwelling and crying is different.The energy and the mindset is different.

Happiness and living is a mind thing.There is where we should look into if we want to be happy but to tackle more chronic life problems,it can never be solve in few steps or method.
Like building a car,the base,body, engine,the battery ,oil,painting everything is a different element brought together for a perfect conditioning car.
We humans are more sophisticated machines and we too needs few other methods along with this.

What's the next method?

One Simple Rule While You're Growing

"Why you look one kind,"Tom asked.
I just smiled.Sometime it's shocking how he could read my emotion,"Are you Pisces?"I asked.
"Yes,he replied.
"No wonder."

"Why?"Tom questioned.
"You could read me,only specific zodiac have such empathy."
He smiled,"Now tell me,what happened?"
"Nothing,I was just thinking about something.Tom ,you know what,I have been working on a website."
"I'm listening,"he said.
"I have friends from US,Australia,India,Nepal,UK,and the list goes  on.For this,I contacted almost everyone of them.If it works,they too will earn money but none of them helped.It's normal but recently my cousin asked me 'what are you doing?Doing some useless thing than a productive work.I was just listening when he said that,he was drunk,I felt only drunk people are genuine nowadays so I let him talk.He was talking  about lot of think and he kept asking me what do you have?
"You're a doctor ,did he realize that?"Tom interrupted.
I just smiled."Tom,not only friends,relatives,people related by blood and people that pretended to be close too did the same thing."

"I was talking with my gym owner and he asked me something."

"What's that?"Tom asked

"He asked will you die if you don't have such friends?You have hands and legs right?Don't you believe in your ?Why are you depending on them?"
That question made me think.I just wanted my friends to earn as well but for them it was a different thing.

"After think twice,I exited few group,I told my ex's mum not to include me in her ngo and I just eliminate and deleted lot of contacts from my contact."

"You did the right thing,don't be bothered about it ,"Tom said.

"You sure?"I questioned.

"When you want to grow,your circle will get smaller,you just experiencing that.Keep move forward."
"Okay ,I learnt something,when someone not by your side when you have nothing,never keep them with you when you have everything."
I will follow this rule forever.

1. 
   

Whatever It Takes,Let's Get it Done because Regret is More Costly

                         Arible.com


I was busy listening to a podcast and from no where,I had this urge to write this.
I never realized writing was an escape for me and in fact,without realizing,it made me better in many occasion,the moment I complete an article.

Delivering the abstract images in your mind into words that could reach thousands of readers around the world is one of the hardest thing to do.Unlike videography,photography nor music,writing is entirely a different feeling yet I love it each time I started penning it down.

Past few days,the amount of sleep I slept was less than usual,somedays I only slept for 4 hours but I don't know why,I love what I'm doing.In 2 days,I already mailed ,messaged,spoke to more than 105 people regarding my website.The conversation that really count;I can count them with my fingers yet I don't feel like giving up.

My circle get smaller day by day.People that never stay with you when you have nothing never deserves to be with you when you have everything is the only lesson I learnt from people around me.

A day,I have 5 figure amount in my account,weeks later,I roamed with my last penny.The cycle kept repeating months after months.I made wrong move,screwed up everything,learnt,earned back and invested in something wrong and back to zero.It's kinda tiring when I think about it.

"Why don't you just save them,buy a car,move on,live a better life,eat well,sleep well,why this unnecessary cycle?"
These question popped up in my head time to time.
"You're a doctor,just focus on it rather than spreading yourself thin",my self asked me at time..
"What if I regret for not trying when I'm in my coffin?"
Regret is more costly.

This entire attempt could wipe the invisible tears of millions a day; if this works,right?
I convinced  myself..What is more gruesome than crying alone,at night,in front of a mirror,screaming without letting others hear you..How many people underwent and still undergoing it daily in their life..

The pain that they experiencing,maybe because I experienced it,I knew how it felt and how the heart seek for a helping hand from the invisible power which never ever reach at the moment of need.That was a torture.
I wish and I will change it.One day,million of life should sleep peacefully because of my effort,millions of life should heal,millions of souls should reach home safely,millions of kids should study because of me and millions of hungry stomach should filled with food because of my move.That thought itself never let me to give up nor quit.

If you had a chance to stop it,would it a risk worth taking?"I asked myself and I always knew the answer,and it never chance for years,it's a YES.

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