Lakdhesz

I'm Going To Give You A Tight Slap

"I'm going to give you a tight slap and will extend you for 3 months then you will become specialist in O&G,"

he said with a rude sinister smile.

It spoiled my entire night.

I'm not a kid for someone to threw such words.

Be it an MO nor a specialist.

It annoys me.

Deep inside,it made me realized something.

'I'm not meant to be here .'

It caused me to decide something firmly unlike before.

She came towards me.

"Ignore him."

" He having PMS ,"she joked.

"Sometimes,the heart sees what is invisible to the eyes.
That's the cause of confusion,"she said.

I looked at her.
"To untangle ourselves from that?"
I knew many can't answer it yet I asked.

"It's a very unpleasant feeling. One needs a lots of courage to set themselves free from that place."

It was a different answer from the rest,yet not that convincing.

"All things are difficult before they are easy.But sometimes we will be wasting our time by trying to convince ourselves that we're doing what we are destined to do and eventually it will be fine,"she explained while flipping the pages looking for the index.

I looked without saying anything.
It reminds me of my Anatomy lecturer ,Dr.Rakesh.
I learnt to use index than the first page topics to make our search easier from him.

"Those days were hard right?"she asked as if she could read my inner thoughts.
I was puzzled.

"Maybe it meant to happen. Sometimes, it's not to bring us to our current state but to get us to the next unimaginable stage through this current path.It might never make sense nor logically .We went through the past to came here today,but for some, they're not meant to stay but to move to another direction.For that, it's a needful confusing journey that some have to encounters."

She continued,
"Every shadow,no matter how deep it is , will always be threatened by morning light.
You're in the right place, don't worry."

It's a different feeling when someone invited you for the naming ceremony of the baby that you delivered with your hand.

Click here to watch

Click here to watch.

Bought it at last.

Coming soon.

You Only Appreciate Something When You Don't Have it Anymore |Lesson's From a Shower

"You're on a vacation ,so don't think about all that problems,"she said.

Actually I'm not.That's what I felt.I'm still writing, I'm recording videos for my next vlog and editing them, I'm writing and composing song, still continue medical discussion on daily basic with my friend from different department.We have this routine where I will share what I learnt and he will share something from medical.

My brain wasn't really resting.I'm working,just in a peaceful environment .That's the conclusion I could made.What if housemanship too works in such a way? That's hard right?

Early morning, I had a dream where I really messed up things and I'm no more a doctor.Elon Mask called and rejected my application.Yes it was a terrible dramatic dream but it made me realize something,you don't appreciate something until you don't have it anymore.

I went into the shower and the water was still cold despite the hotness was already at max.
I looked at it and slowed down the water volume and it hot enough for a comfortable shower.

Why?

When less amount of water passes through the heating coils,more efficient the out come would be.

Am I overdoing with life?No other houseman composing music, writing blog,making videos and going gym.Am I drifting away from what I'm supposed to do?

As per physics,a waterfall's water temperature at the bottom is slightly higher then at the top.

I learnt that, position,the speed and the amount at a certain situation plays crucial role for many aspects.

You doing too much or you should do everything at the right pace depends on your assumption and how you going to see it.

From top it's 6,from bottom it's 9 I thought to my self.

Unpreparedness Leads to Unhappiness |Lesson's From Incomplete Logbook

It's just 4th day of the new year.I'm sitting with the finest beach side view.The sea breeze and wave sounds are so peaceful but I could sensed a feeling of discomfort, unhappiness within me.
What was the reason?
Why? I wondered looking at South China sea's edge as far as my sight allows with a cup of hot coffee.

Maybe because of incomplete logbook,exam on 16th and posting going to end exactly on my birthday,20th Feb 2020.
They will definitely extend me and that's not a problem to be honest.

Maybe..maybe unpreparedness stirred such kind of feelings..What if you're prepared?

Hurting Someone is Contagious | Lesson From A Nurse

"Doctor,you want to order any food?"the nurse asked.
That was first time a nurse asked me if I want to order foods.

"No, it's okay nurse,"I said.

Everything was well.She was kept laughing,making jokes and being cool.

I was literally having good day because coming morning I'm going to Kuantan for a vacation before a disastrous week ahead.

430am and the same person said something rude and became demonic.

I looked at her and she kept being the same.

It wasn't new after all.
The only reason I don't like to be a doctor anymore was this.
People scolding, humiliating and hurting my feeling.I don't like that and that leads to hatred towards this job.

Hours later she came and asked sorry for being like that.

I looked at her and smiled.

Previously, I learnt that smiling is a gift and only few could possessed such a blessing.

"It's okay nurse.Everyday,each time, from different people, I learnt something here.
Sometimes it's not even medical based, it's more about life.
Today I learnt something from you.
Hurting someone is contagious.
Someone spoiled your mood,perhaps hurts you and you continued the cycle to me and it spoiled my mood.

Before this,I don't really realized that our problems,when we expressed to others,it might , perhaps definitely will spoils their day.
If I don't get enough sleep, I had been rude to my friends,I showed my anger to my ex gf and spoiled her day as well.I don't realized it back then and thanks to you, I learnt it today."

Hurting others is contagious.When one person hurts us,we tend to hurt another soul.It's a poisonous cycle.That's what I learnt today.

I don't have the interest anymore not because I don't like this job but people around me changed me into this.I lost the interest .I'm not even trying to be better.I'm no more opening and reading my medical books.I'm the slowest and the stupidest houseman in this entire department,I told them.

Maybe not because I am but I don't have the interest anymore.

Thanks to people around me and the ill systems that should nurture love and kindness but insisting the other way around;Fear and hatred towards the job.It's not building competency but turning many into an incompetent doctor

Smiling is contagious and it's a rare blessing that only some could possess.

My First 2020 Resolution

It was raining.I went to work yesterday 7pm and came back at 12pm today.
While writing the discharge summary with eyes closing itself with utmost sleepiness,do you really have to do this? That's the constant voice within me.

I went back, slept at 130pm and woke up at 4.15pm.
My eyes are still red and burning.I literally can't open my eyes.
I looked through my window.
It's raining and the sky looks dark and gloomy.
'Do you really want to do this?I asked myself.

Moments later,I took my raincoat and went out in that rain.
First time stepping into a recording studio with thousand of questions in my mind.
New people,new interaction and it was a completely strange feeling.

I went into the studio,holding the folded paper where I wrote the lyrics of the song.
'Will people actually listen to my song?Will they like it?I questioned myself.
Doesn't matter,I like this and this is where my soul belongs I thought.

It was very unpleasant when people looking at you and you have to sing.
"Don't be shy,just express yourself."
It doesn't seems that easy actually.
I could felt the tremor in my voice..

But during second attempt, I can sensed that the confidence was there.

I enjoyed this.I just love doing this and I don't mind staying in this studio 24/7 I thought.

It's going to be 2020 and I don't wish to be a loser anymore.I wont and I'm going to do everything that I like and I have never done before. Something out of my comfort zone.

Year's ago I asked my ex,"I don't like that guy that much but you're keeping his song as your caller tune.. Infact he was the real problem between us and, before I could complete my sentence,she said"You make your song first then I will set it as my caller tune.It felt like a tight slaps.Years later, I could made my own song.Not for her nor to prove her,but I really like this and this is what I wanted to do.One day,even Pallavi will listen to my songs.