Failed 2020's Resolution|We all Failed at Something

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Failed my resolution..

What's your 2020's resolution?
Few more days to go..

Smiling is a Rare Blessings That Only Few Could Possessed | Lesson's From Anesthesiologist's Specialist

It will be different.

It was a beautiful morning.It was 

because the MO was such a kind person.She didn't scold,she didn't raised her voice,just a soft spoken , beautiful Chinese doctor.

I  wished everybody could be like her.
It's my first time in gynecology OT.
I had assisted laparoscopic ectopic once..Even at that time,my MO was an angel.I don't wished to reveal her full name but a part of her name was Puteri,If I'm not mistaken,it means princess in English.Only some are blessed with such a beautiful name,angelic personal and look.She's adorable as well.She never even scold when I didn't hold the camera as how she wanted..
There are so many nice Mos here.Almost everyone labelled an Mo as angel but for me,my angel was an Mo that graduated from Egypt,Dr Yana.No one ever,like ever here in this Hospital addressed me smart and intelligent. She does.I don't really know why but deep inside I knew , I'm not.Not because I'm stupid but I lost the interest with the job.

I had done many outstanding stuff when I was a student, that's what people around me said but here, I'm a zero.A loser.At times I felt that too.Again, because I don't even feel like trying.Maybe because I don't like being here.

It was a great sunny day..
Stepping into GOT for one whole day made me realized something.
The same feeling I once had when I'm going for a new competition ,during our first futsal tournament. We have to win.
That gave a sense of psychological stomach ache..I don't know if its butterfly or something else but I could feel it.When I came from Penang after holidays,I can't sleep properly that night.I woke up with the same feeling when I was having professional examination the following  week and I have to study everything in few days.You don't feel like eating,you don't wish to wake up but you have too.You're more mentally exhausted than physically.That's how it felt.

I realized,the feelings are the same but situations are different.
I smiled when I recalled them back.

I learnt something very beautiful today,from an unknown person.Maybe anesthesiology's specialist,her smile and her coolness handling a stressful situation.

That's when I realized,smile is a god's gift that not many of us could possess.
It was a good day overall.

Click here to watch this In search of life video.

Hope it will be helpful

Hmm

• That's me.

Merry Christmas | Pathophysiology of Lighting

I wished 2020's Christmas would be different.

"Lighting will strike from a cloud to the ground when the electrical field between them becomes large enough to make the air conduct."

I was listening quietly.

"Why it's like that?"I was curious.
I wished I know more about physics as well a part from medicine.

"Cloud contain droplets of water and sometimes ice particles of various sizes.They continuously moving around and colliding with each other and charges can be transferred between them.
This results in a large scale of charge separation where top of a cloud becomes positive and bottom becomes negatively charged.
The large negative charges at the bottom of the cloud will repel electrons on the Earth's surface and object on it leaving them positively charged. So large electric field will be created between cloud and ground and conducting a path and lighting will strike along the path,"he explained with a big inhale.

I don't really understand but I tried to correlate why the outer atmosphere was so cold while traveling in a plane.

"Okay, why are you telling this now?"I asked.

"Remember this, it's a powerful process and alot of energy is transferred in between. That rapid heating of air by thousands of degrees and great pressure changes resulted in the emitting of the thunder sound."

He continued,"life is like that,when bad things happened in a certain way ,far from the good stuff that you wished, the whole process did something for you that will bring a better greater outcome.Don't be pessimistic,"he related with a  lame story so called non fiction  explanation.

One Holiday That Changed Everything

1. 

I had a good time in Penang.
As usual I never really spend much time with family but working on everything I like except thinking about Hospital.

I sort of figured out what I really wanted to do and it's definitely not stuck in a hospital where I can't be myself, can't express my self , can't be creative and can't really solve anything.I mean ANYTHING.

To be honest,going back to Bangladesh never ever caused this much of sadness in me but , I'm just 300kms away from home and I felt like it's doomsday.I was that miserable and depressed.
If can , I don't even wish to come back here but we all have a pseudo reality and it takes a lot of courage to change it.

Whatever I wanted to do from now on needs an entirely different frame and character.It would be hard but I had done it before.And I failed,at least 50% of achieving the outcome.
It's time to try again one more time.
For a better future.This time,I will try to achieve that 101%.
Goodnight.

Asia's Most Haunted War Museum |Penang War Museum

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I don't really know why people labelled it as one of the most haunted place in Malaysia and also in Asia,maybe because of the amount of killings  and the gruesome tortures that happened here.
For me,I don't  really experienced anything abnormal nor paranomal here like the previous places but this place carries a different vibe. Luckily they close this place at 6pm otherwise it would be a different story.
Experiencing this place in person,I learnt  something.Be it in the past or current present ,humans are the cause of suffering to another.
Wish it would change one day or else we will be ruled by robots.

Some Meant to Cross Our Life

"Long walk by the beach, holding you hand,"I whispered.
She just smiled .
"Nice,"she uttered.
Surprisingly she wasn't mad.
The auto moved through the bustling traffic.
"Only nice to listen right?"I asked slowly.
"I didn't say only nice to listen.I said nice,"she said gently.
"Both are the same right?"I puzzled.

"No.."
I gently took hold of her chin and raised her face.
'Her pupils are brownish not black like mine.I didn't notice it before.
Making eye contact with her is one of the hardest things for me.


"I still don't understand,"I tried to seek better convincing words from her mouth..

She turned and looked at the dusty road with a small smile .
"You will understand it one day,"she said.

I woke up from my sleep.
Damn,it was already 9 years but my stupid brain kept showing the same scenes again and again.

Certain things,certain moment ,certain people meant to cross our life. Either our presence have some impact on their life or they have a part in our story.

There is no time to leave  important words unsaid.. because life is short..