"I still can feel the pain,"patient said.
She's on table for past 45 minutes but the spinal anaesthetic is still not full working.
The numbness only present over right side.
It happens for patient with two previous caesarean,the anesthesiologist's medical officer said.
I was already scrubbed in and was standing there.
As a house officer ,all I could do was: just stand.
I stood there for another 20 minutes.Mo and the scrub nurse went and sat on the chair.
While I was day dreaming how I could end this unnecessary stress and just put a full stop for this mess, I could feel the baby's move.
I'm not sure if its kicking but I could felt it on my palm.
It's a beautiful feeling.
Yet can't justify my decision.
I looked around.Some are smiling and laughing for real,some are tensed while the rest just going with the flow with a poker face.
In this ever expending cosmos,floating in complete darkness and we're just a tiny dot in it,why does humans have to face such amount of stress, unhappiness and pain?
Our life has no meanings, it can end tomorrow or an hour later but why do we have so much dramas in between..
Why does God brought such suffering to some of us when He is the one that created us here?
I still can't figure it out.
An hour later, elective lower segment caesarean started.
Abdomen was opened layer by layer but we can't reach the uterus.
There were lot of adhesion.
"Indian won't eat jamu ke?" surgeon asked meaning don't you indians take herbs after delivery?
"I'm not sure but most won't I guess,"I replied.
Mutton and chicken curry every weekend, that's all I knew and as a consequence it
it leads to terrible health and obesity.
The patients was 156kg.
Just retracting her abdominal fat for exposure and the fundal pressure to help the expulsion of the baby made my right arm extremely weak.
Maybe eating the right herbal food after caesarean can help the uterus to contract fast and prevent it from adherent to peritoneal walls I thought.
A question that left unanswered.
"Ala,you go to gym also can be tired is it?"surgeon asked.
Gym is like short distance running and this is like long distance running I felt.Standing there for 2 hours and 45 minutes was tiring. Repeating the same process since 630am to 9pm was worse and my bad luck,most of the patient were obesity class 2 and 3 .
It was OT,my favorite place,hand full of bloods yet I can't achieve the flow still.
Stars, moon, rocket,space, Forbes, pallavi;only those were the thing in my head for now.
For the first time in my life, I regretted for not choosing engineering.
Best of luck bro. Do what you heart tells you.
ReplyDeleteI wished I could bro..Still clueless about how to manage it if I quit.
DeleteUsually we have to start from scratch, bro. If you want to start with a clean slate, you have to take a BSc in Physics or a BEng. Then you can venture into a PhD in Physics or Applied Mathematics. Then you can start looking for jobs. But you have to act fast because if you go back into college prior to reaching the age of 30, your mind still retains its wit and memory to absorb new things. For my case, I was hard pressed to learn basic Maths since I started my PhD at the age of 33. Luckily, I managed to finish what I started years ago.
ReplyDeleteYou need to have a plan. I know venturing into an uncharted territory is quite terrifying but if you have the guts and willpower to do so, nobody will be able to stop you from achieving your dreams. Passion and hardwork will be the greatest driving factors to achieve the impossible.
By the way I really like your style of writing. I know you are in one of the most hectic hospitals in Malaysia (perhaps even in the whole universe after taking into account all the existing parallel universes), but if you have time please do update your blog regularly. Perhaps, sharing your clinical experience gained so far in the O&G ward will be an excellent topic to write about (especially for a person waiting for housemanship to start (like me). Thanks bro. Keep on writing !
ReplyDelete