Song with thousand memories.
How nice if things never turn into worst from worse.
Morning call.
Morning shift.
Evening work and I felt super exhausted already.
During my previous holidays,I used to apply for this job but I didn't get it back then.Today I got it but I don't feel like going to a work where people I knew might see me.Things that happened past few months made me super paranoid to see certain people and I dont really understand why.Unnecessarily I came to a work where I have to travel really far, everyday twice morning and evening ignoring rain and sun.Doesn't matter how notorious and problematic was this place since the day one,I told myself,it's completely fine.Doesn't matter what kind of torture it is,it only last as long as we're breathing.When it ends, the peace follows.Certain people are like cancer,once they present in your life ,even if they vanished,the side effect of their presence will always be there.
Thanx u girl.
This is consider interesting.
This girl's rich look and style reminded me of my past.Recently when I cleared all the stuff from my place,I saw the letters that my past wrote to me.No one ever used such powerful words to me and what happened years later?😂 Girls and their words.The problem is that,the words that they used back then and how they be now isn't fake but the problem is,their emotion is time based.It wont be fake al the time but it can change in a split of second.Don't believe me?Test them.Majority of them are super selfish but in their point of view,it's self centered,not selfishness.The lesson I learnt from my shitty past,never waste time buying their sweet words.They wont mind saying the same to another guy few months later.My past and my cat were the same.For both of them,I put them as priority in everything.They seek help when they need me but when they left,both of them never even turn back and have a look at me.That's their similarities.
Well, from then onwards,I don't trust any girls.So when I get really comfortable with a girl,I always test them.From the beginning til the end,I keep a record to see how they react to few topics.I don't wish to waste my time marrying someone terrible and suffer later.I have seen alot from my past so I threw all kind of stuff that a girl normally hates be it smoke,drink,weed ,bla bla the list goes on and see their reaction. I always wondered,what if a girl like us now but let say I'm having hard time in the future,I wondered how will she react.Left me alone or stand by my side?From their initial reaction,I have this feeling that I can judge the answers for the future.
Future will never be the same as my parent's time I felt.It won't and even if someone justify it,I knew why I don't feel I'm too wrong about it.Decade backs,people see television as something coming from air and phone is something connected to a wire system.Today phone is wireless and television is cable based.I always try to think 2 years,20 years ahead so that I don't repeat the same mistake as in the past.Even my past,I knew she's
troublesome but I didn't expect that her loyalty will be as low as the level of my cat.
So I came across this girl.I came across many but this one grabbed my attention with a single word.She was very innocent in her ways initially.One day,she said something..She shared her future dream with me.In this competitive,I'm going to be someone in the future kinda era,all she said was,she want to be a good wife,good mother and a good daughter in law.It was very unique.I felt my mother would be happy if I find such a girl for her.
I tested her the same way I tested the rest.I would take care of a girl well but I don't wish to marry any fcked up person n waste my time because I learnt that a bad choice will hamper,drift and drain a man from his purpose;lessons from my past.
Well let me show.(Some people just dont use their brain doesn't matter how well educated they are.If a person is having bad habits to such an extent,how could he sing,lift weight,build body and etc..Wouldn't they know what drugs do to our lungs and how a person smoking weed or alcoholic could do more than what a normal person able to do?But girls use more emotional brain than rational mind and they justify it with their emotional side not their prefrontal cortex.
When she having bad days,I be there and I really wondered if she will do the same.
We became good friends.
And came a day when I decided to make a conclusion to the test.
She failed terribly in my point of view
Well let me show what happened before this. ⬇
I always see my self as an asset and not a liability to lose and that is why I'm being such a way testing any girl that I felt would be a good mother to my kids.Her first message really impressed me.
The girl that I thought my world left me like nothing,so testing her and knowing things might go bad doesn't bother me.I just don't want to repeat the same mistake.If a girl is willing to cross a drain for me,I would cross the ocean for her.So I didn't tel her the truth that I just want to see how she will react. I thought she as a doctor would react way different then the rest but she broke all the respect that I had on her.Its nothing wrong,what a girl seek and what she said isn't wrong,just that the way she carried the whole thing doesn't seems pleasant at all.I saw my past in her.She changed drastically into a new person from a good friend.Girls after all I felt.Even when she mentioned if they guy could provide the same love,I don't feel like telling the truth or try to win her.I removed her from my mind that moment itself and that is why i dragged it more.There is nothing to hide and that is why I put it here even though there's so much of bad stuff in there.For me,I knew what I want in life and this is the reason girls isn't my bullseye for now.My purpose is different and I knew it well where I'm heading.So whoever reading this,you have all the rights to judge me but this love marry bla bla bla,just a complete bullshit.
The problem was,she never leaves.I hoped that she will unfollow me but she didn't.So..
I have to be super rude that she herself will leave.
But I don't wish to see her cry .I dont meant to hurt her such a way..After all she is really a nice soul and I just wanted herself to leave.She want someone as her father,not better than her father so I wished she will be fine.Of cz if I see someone make her cry, I will break their face but I didn't expect that my way of removing her presence from my life would hurt her .Well at last she left and we are no more friends.
And recently I did the same test with another girl and to my surprise, doesn't matter how bad I portrayed myself,she never leaves at all.She never even bother about bad habits.She simply said if I like her,I my self will know how to be and she kept being the same sweet girl the next day and she is also a med student.She is one of the unique girl I have ever known.When she said she felt sad a kind whenever I end the conversation, I knew she is way too different and doesn't matter how much I avoid her or told her stuff that will make any girl to leave,she just stayed the same and that's really scary.
I learnt that there are some girls that not only will cross the drain but will also cross the ocean for us. 😊
No comments:
Post a Comment